TikTok will end up making a few slight changes, but in large everything will stay the same.
Maybe I’m wrong there.
I’m admittedly not fully tuned into this situation.
I just don’t see a world where TikTok is truly taken away from us.
This blog isn’t about that, though.
There’s been so much talk around the potential harm TikTok could cause to America.
Here are 10 off the top of my head.
To be honest this tweet is where I got this whole blog idea from.
There’s just simply no need for flame throwing robot dogs.
Next thing we know, the AI flame throwing robot dogs have turned on us.
They set up a homestead in Times Square.
They gradually expand outward as they burn down every building and human being in their path.
Soon enough they make their way down to city hall and overthrow the government.
Within 5 years the flame throwing robot dogs will have taken over the city.
Deshaun Watson
What on earth is Deshaun Watson doing?
What does he have up his long white flowing sleeves other than a boatload of oil money?
The man is fresh off 30 women making claims that he sexually assaulted them in one way or another.
He already has a $230 million contract from the Cleveland Browns.
There’s no telling what Deshaun might do next.
He’ll be drinking champagne with Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un in no time.
He very well may end up with access to North Korea’s nuclear codes.
I’m already kicking myself for making too many jokes about it from my own twitter account.
You’ll be better off for it.
I’ve hands down never hated a trend on the internet more.
Simpson crawls out of his grave and filets you with knife #nodisrespect.
Shoutout to our Barstool Social team for not participating in this.
At least I haven’t seen them do it.
Hopefully they stay strong, and don’t cave by the time this blog gets posted.
It’s the drug that renders people motionless at a 90 degree angle.
Look up videos of Kensington Avenue in Philadelphia if you don’t know what I’m talking about.
I don’t know how that’s even enjoyable.
A 4am cocaine session with the boys could potentially render some viable business ventures.
But what is tranq doing for anyone?
People arms are just falling off their bodies.
Oz The Mentalist
He should be #1 on this list.
He should be #1 on any sort of watch list that our government has.
A man with the literal ability to read minds should not be allowed to walk this earth freely.
He’ll be able to do it too.
There’s nothing Oz The Mentalist isn’t capable of.
I’m pretty sure when he tried to do that he got kicked off the internet for a month.
However… any cyclist who has ever rode their bike on the sidewalk should be burned at the stake.
Cyclists think rules don’t apply to them.
I once had a biker scold me for looking down at my phone while walking on the sidewalk.
Ride your bikes on the road and obey the traffic laws.
When you get to your destination walk your bike to the door like a civilized adult.
It’s not that difficult.
But they’re still a wildly corrupt organization.
At least I think.
But I’m pretty sure they’re still bad.
They exploited athletes for decades.
I say we blow the whole thing up and start fresh with a whole new system.
You know the 82-year old retiree who works at your local country club.
He doesn’t even get paid for it.
He just gets free golf.
But he treats the first tee like he’s running air traffic control.
So you just tee off because there’s nobody else around.
Then when you get to the green you see the starter slowly driving up the cart path.
He pulls up to the side of the green and looks at you like a disappointed father.
In reality the club doesn’t care whatsoever.
They’re literally just giving this old dude a job so he has something to do with his life.
Yet he fancies himself the course sheriff.
I really don’t care."
The starter eventually lets you play, but not before giving you a stern talking to.
Then he’ll drive away like he just saved the golf course.
Those are the types of guys that make me not like golf.
They gotta go.
The Vessel at Hudson Yards
The Vessel is a big climbable sculpture in Manhattan.
It looks stupid, and it serves no purpose.
Or so we thought.
Turns out it serves a great purpose.
The Vessel has turned into the perfect place for New Yorkers to kill themselves.
Half of New Yorkers are already suicidal.
you’re free to’t give them such an easy option.
I actually think they’ve since added suicide nets like they have at factories in Japan.
But it’s already too late for The Vessel.
Every time I look at it I just think of people killing themselves.
Why don’t we just turn it into a parking lot.
New York always needs more of those.
Jazz
It’s just random notes.
They’re no rhyme or reason to it at all.
It’s like listening to dyslexia.
And get rid of Karl Malone while we’re at it.
