Full disclosure, I wrote this blog a couple weeks ago.
Took me way too long to write.
In the end it was so stupid and long that I was afraid to publish it.
I wrote the thing so here it is.
Enjoy (or don’t).
You have the right to make Mickey Mouse do whatever the hell you want him to.
I’m sure these murderous Mickey Mouse films are going to be great.
I have the highest of expectations.
But quite frankly, that idea is lazy.
Anybody can make a Mickey Mouse slasher film.
Here are 50 original (not really) ideas for Mickey Mouse themed movies.
Feel free to make any of them.
I only ask for 50% of the profits.
Young Mickey Mouse grows up to be an exceptional baseball talent.
He’s one of the top major league prospects.
But nobody wants to play with a mouse.
They think mice don’t belong in baseball.
Think Jackie Robinson in ‘42’, but with a mouse.
Mickey Mouse is a scientist.
He dedicates his life to figuring out a way for mouse/human hybrids like himself to breed with regular humans.
He wants to create a slightly more human version of himself.
His plan is to create one super race.
Everyone will be part mouse.
Thoughtful drama where a young Mickey Mouse tries his best to understand both sides of the Israel-Palestine conflict.
Learns a lot about the word.
Learns even more about himself.
Mockumentary where Mickey Mouse is a door-to-door knives salesman who gets himself into wacky shenanigans while visiting customers.
If your familiar with the show ‘High Maintenance’, it would be a little bit like that.
Mickey Mouse is a new hero in the Marvel Universe .
Mickey Mouse moves to a cheap apartment in New York City that has a serious rat problem.
Has major internal conflict regarding what to do about it.
Mickey Mouse goes undercover as a young woman to infiltrate and bust up a human trafficking ring.
Mickey Mouse is sick and tired of being a mouse and undergoes species reassignment surgery.
Everyone will call it the greatest film of all time.
A complete rip of off a regular Disney kids movie.
Mickey Mouse creates the newest hit cryptocurrency called Mickcoin.
He makes billions of dollars.
He buys the Carolina Panthers and moves them to Orlando.
Renames them the Orlando Mickeys.
But the power gets to his head.
Micky starts hanging out with rich elites and ends up on Jeffrey Epstein’s flight logs.
Goes to prison and “kills himself”.
Mickey Mouse becomes the face of a new brand of vape that is reportedly “safe for kids”.
But all of the sudden, kids lungs start exploding.
Mickey becomes the focal point of a massive trial.
Mickey Mouse tries to find his biological parents so he can learn his medical history.
He wants to confirm he’s not high risk for any particular diseases.
So he finds where Walt Disney is frozen so he can unfreeze him and ask him questions.
He eventually finds him and sets him out in the sun to thaw.
But obviously when he unfreezes him, Walt Disney’s stiff dead corpse collapses onto the floor.
Mickey falls to his knees and cries.
If only he had gotten a colonoscopy earlier in life.
Then doctors would have caught it.
It would have been easily curable.
But now it’s too late, and Mickey only has months to live.
Mickey Mouse gets hired by Barstool Sports.
He bets against Dave and ruins the vibes of the gambling cave.
Period piece sometime between the end of slavery and the start of the civil rights movement.
Nobody knows what race to lump Mickey Mouse in with.
He’s forced to go play in the Russian Pro League to make ends meet.
Mickey is sent to prison.
While there, Mickey starts a prison basketball league that slowly gains popularity throughout Russia.
Eventually, Putin comes to watch a game.
But Mickey ultimately declines the offer.
He builds an army of illegal immigrants and overthrows the United States government
19.
Mickey Mouse is an international business man who goes to China for a conference.
Has a hooker to his hotel room.
Hooker overdoses on drugs and Mickey has to hide the body.
The twist in the end is that Mickey Mouse was the rat all along.
It should have been obvious.
The man never comes to retrieve it.
He spends the whole movie trying to hunt him down to return the money.
Eventually he finds him, but the man is so rich he doesn’t even give a shit.
He just says thank you and shuts the door in his face.
Decides to go to an interview with his eyes taped back.
The man interviewing him is extremely offended.
He takes a picture of Mickey being racist and blasts it out on social media.
Mickey Mouse trains athletes for the World’s Strongest Man competition.
To save his gym from failing he starts secretly mixing in steroids with his client’s supplements.
His athletes start winning competitions left and right.
Mickey becomes the #1 strong man trainer in the world.
Until eventually, all of his guys get popped for steroids.
Mickey receives a lifetime ban and a lengthy prison sentence.
Every makes fun of him.
Until they hear him sing.
Buddy comedy where Mickey Mouse walks-on to the Akron Zips basketball team.
LeBron James comes to talk to the team one day and the two of them hit it off.
Mickey ends up befriending LeBron and starts sitting courtside at games.
Him and LeBron get themselves into different wacky situations over the course of the season
28.
Mickey Mouse works at a lab in Wuhan, China and is responsible for the Covid-19 epidemic
29.
Mickey Mouse gets AIDS and starts a buyer’s club.
He promises to wire them a large sum of money if they provide him with their bank info.
The twist is he actually does wire people money.
Word gets out that some of the Nigerian Prince emails are actually legit.
Causes mass confusion across the country.
When he leaves the lab he’s turned straight.
Mickey Mouse regrets starting a list of 50 dumbass movie ideas but gets in too deep to stop
34.
The Westboro Baptist Church learns about Mickey Mouse’s existence.
They think he’s an abomination to god.
They protest outside his home and make his life hell.
Mickey Mouse works as a marriage counselor who falls in love with one of his clients.
Social outcast Mickey Mouse drops out of school to become a full time Madden streamer.
After beating some kid 56-0, the kid SWAT’s his house.
Whole ass SWAT team shows up.
Movie turns into an action packed shootout between Mickey Mouse and the police.
Mickey Mouse learns how to make counterfeit bills and sells them on the dark web.
They’re prefect fakes.
They pass the pen test and everything.
Ends up making a fire mixtape.
But just as his career is finally about to take off he gets arrested.
The prosecution uses lyrics from his mixtape to tie him to a series of murders that he definitely did.
Mickey gets life in prison.
Finds himself in the center of the abortion debate.
Mickey Mouse storms the Capitol on January 6th
43.
On a mission trip in South America Mickey Mouse is captured by an indigenous tribe.
Mickey Mouse abandons his morbidly obese, poverty stricken mother and learning disabled brother.
He goes on to live a normal life.
But one day he sees his mother and brother on TV.
They won $1.4 Billion in the lottery.
Mickey tries to go reconnect with them but his mom won’t have it.
He abandoned them when they needed him most.
Micky doesn’t get a dime.
He joins the football team and starts at defensive end.
He falls in love with student.
Before he heads off to college, he decides to tell his girlfriend his age secret.
She doesn’t know what to do.
She still loves Mickey, but she also loves the law.
In the end, she turns him in to the police.
His football career and his life are both ruined.
Mickey Mouse goes on the run after assassinating the President of the United States
49.
Mickey Mouse is elected President of Harvard following Claudine Gay’s termination.
He puts all of their money towards turning Harvard into a powerhouse D1 football program.
10 years later, Harvard beats Alabama to win the National Championship.
