The phrase “wild story” is thrown around all willy nilly here at Barstool Sports.
So are the words preposterous, electric, and Deion Sanders.
Not only is this story wild, but it’s also long.
However, I will do my very best to regurgitate it in the most efficient way possible.
You gotta have your head on a swivel when you’re employed by a hot dog cart.
Hot dog cart employees are notoriously shady characters.
I don’t have any info to back that up but I’m pretty sure I’m right.
You don’t work for a hot dog cart past if things are going well in your life.
William Woods learned this the hard way.
This Keiran guy seems to have had a bit of a shady past.
An arrest warrant was issued for him at the age of 16 after stealing his parents car.
Keiran lived the better part of his life under the name Williams Woods.
In 1994 six years after he started using Woods name Keirans got married.
He had a child, whose last name is Woods.
By 2013, Keirans had moved to eastern Wisconsin.
He started his IT job with UI Hospitals and worked remotely.
He earned more than $700,000 in his 10 years working for the hospital.
In 2023, his salary was $140,501, according to the hospital.
He also had money stored in a national bank under Woods name, court documents state.
Kieran was paying taxes under Woods name and everything.
However, the real William Woods was homeless in Los Angeles.
I don’t know if that’s something that is already done.
Something to think about if you’re homeless.
Fast forward to 2019.
Nothing gets by you.
He did his best to rectify the situation.
He took his real society security card, and a legitimate California I.D.
to the bank so he could close his accounts.
The bank still didn’t believe him.
The bank employee called Keirans, whose the phone number was connected to the accounts.
He answered the security questions correctly and said no one in California should have access to the accounts.
The employee called the Los Angeles Police Department, and officers spoke with Woods and Keirans.
Keiran’s had fully taken over the account.
Fully taken over his life.
Keirans was more William Woods than the real William Woods.
That’s when the police get involved.
And after reviewing the facts, they came to the conclusion that William Woods was actually NOT William Woods.
He was also ordered to pay $400 in fines and to stop using the name William Woods.
I mean what the fuck.
I told you this was the bad beat of a lifetime.
That’d be enough to make me kill myself.
I honestly think I would kill myself.
I don’t exist anymore so who the fuck cares, right?
But William Woods had more heart than that.
He got to the bottom of who the hell had stolen his life.
He managed to find out where Keirens lived, where he was employed, and contacted the local police.
Turns out Keirans was working security under the name Williams Woods, at the University of Iowa’s Hospital.
The University of Iowa’s Police Department opened an investigation.
Which I imagine was the case of a lifetime for them.
Rarely does a case like this come across their desk.
Shoutout to Detective Ian Mallory, who took Woods seriously and managed to get Keirans to slip up.
University of Iowa Police Detective Ian Mallory opened an investigation into the case.
The test proved Woods was the mans son.
On July 17, 2023, Mallory interviewed Keirans.
He then confessed to the prolonged identity theft, according to court documents.
After over 20 years, justice is finally being served.
I feel like that qualifies as a wild story.
Honestly, this probably happens more than we realize.
Especially with homeless people.
Who do you think the cops are going to believe?
It’s alsowildto me that they didn’t do a DNA test earlier.
Nobody before this campus police detective had the thought to maybe try and track down a family member?
Either way, Keirans is facing up to 30 years.
I hope the real William Woods is able to parlay this snafu into some sort of pay day.
There has to be someone he can sue.
The people who threw him into a mental hospital for literally just being himself.
Woods is owed compensation from someone.
It’s actually kind of an awesome beat.
William Woods was already at rock bottom.
This is possibly the best chance at a new life he’s ever going to get.
I hope he gets his money too.
Fuck this Keirans fellow.
Shame on him for betraying the trust of a brother in the hot dog cart business.
