Youve got a brand new MacBook?
I mean, whats the point in your laptop being portable?
As far as Im concerned,none.
And yes, you are very welcome.
You guessed correctly:never close it.
Make music a single time a year?
Who cares, leave Garageband primed and ready to go 24 hours a day.
Opened Outlook by mistake in 2012?
It must stay active forever.
It’s free, every week, in your inbox.
While Im thinking about it, you should probably just leave videos constantly playing in the background.
Who knows when you might have the urge to catch a few seconds ofThe Simpsons.
Why spend time refining or revising when the thing already exists?
It cant get any better than that and the same goes for apps.
Who cares about tweaks, improvements, or optimizations?
Ill tell you: losers.
Big old boring losers.
And, friends, one thing were not are big old boring losers.
Winners never, ever update apps.
Winners deliberately go and turn off automatic software updates.
Winners stay on a version of macOS so old, the terms and conditions are carved into stone.
Unplug and discharge and plug in and unplug and plug in again.
But that sounds boring and dull.
And do this repeatedly.
Teach that laptop who owns who.
Run it all the way into the ground.
Drain your rig like its a weak human, and youre a thirsty vampire.
Its the natural order of things.
Instead, it should remain so bright theres a chance of eye damage.
Thatll show your battery whos boss.
Use your MacBook as a gadget charger
In the future, there will only be one gadget.
We dont have to wait for it though, we can bring the future to us, today.
Instead, you should just dump the latter and charge all your devices using your MacBook battery.
There you have it!
A selection of tips and tricks to help you deplete your MacBook battery in record time.
Good luck with your honorable quest.
