I enjoyed the festivities from the comfort of my desk at the bad office.
It was a delightful watch.
I’m still salty about that tournament.
The Hamptons mini-golf tournament happened about a month after I had started with Barstool.
Back when I still had enough juice coming off of Barstool Idol to be invited to things.
I was pumped to be there.
And I played pretty well.
I didn’t live up to my standards.
I think I should have played better.
But I still I managed to come in 4th place.
I know for a fact that I came in 4th place.
I was happy with my performance.
It was the first piece of Barstool content aside from Barstool Idol that’d I’d been involved in.
Afterwards, I told all my friends and family to tune in.
I was sure I’d get at least some air time.
On the back 9 of the final round, I hit 2 hole-in-ones in a row.
It was kinda cool.
I was making a real charge.
I thought at bare minimum those hole-in-ones would make the cut.
But when the video was released 4 months later, it was like I didn’t even exist.
If you weren’t playing close attention, you’d think I wasn’t even in the tournament.
I later was told that they apparently “lost our scorecards” on the way back to the office.
So Ithinkthey just guessed what my score was?
I have no clue how they got me at -21 I just know they didn’t ask me.
They did however to manage to get Frankie’s score spot on somehow…
It was honestly embarrassing.
Then when the video came out I just looked like a liar.
I was cut out of the whole thing, and knocked down about 5 spots on the scoreboard.
I fully understand why they’d rather have the top of the leaderboard filled with more popular employees.
But like.. that’s still kinda fucked up.
Instead of burying me in a spot on the leaderboard where nobody is going to question it.
That’s kinda fucked up.
I know how fucking stupid and petty that sounds.
That’s what we do here.
But god damn it I’m good at golf.
I’m not great, but I’m better than most people here.
WINNERS
Kirk
This should go without saying.
If I ever do a blog of winners and losers, Kirk will be firmly in the winners column.
He finished -22, in second place, despite getting screwed by this bullshit cup.
The man loves golf.
And he came out firing.
I believe he had 5 hole in ones in his first round.
He’s the runaway leader in the clubhouse.
Has an 8-stroke lead going into the final day.
If Whitney doesn’t win it’ll be a catastrophe.
Ben Mintz
Anytime Ben Mintz is on camera it’s a win.
Even if he fucks up drastically, it will somehow turn into phenomenal content.
He barely even has to do anything.
Watching Ben Mintz in any sort of content is like watching a show on National Geographic.
“Here we have Ben Mintz, he seems to be looking for something.
Is he missing his cell phone?
Oh yes, he gives the impression of looking for his phone.
Wait it’s been in his hand the entire time.
Oh no, he just said a slur.”
Barstool really just needs to hire that National Geographic guy to narrate Mintzy’s life.
If you know anything about Mintzy, you don’t need me to explain how hilarious that is.
Also his outfit was incredible.
I have no clue where his ass and hips are.
He has the most beautiful case of Hank Hill ass.
Also, he agreed to try and do the Rundown today, even though he was golfing.
Also I learned that Chaps first makeout was on a mini-golf course.
Great day for Chaps in my opinion.
Caleb
He showed up.
Also I want him to like me.
Which was the correct response to that.
But Dante really railroaded me there.
Foreplay
The Foreplay guys are all exactly where I would expect you to be.
Except for maybe Trent.
But overall today was a win for your podcast.
Dave Portnoy
He missed the cut but who cares.
I shouldn’t have to explain to you why I’m including him on my winners list.
Even though he missed the cut line by an inch.
But I really like Marty.
Top 3 nicest guy I’ve encountered since being hired here.
I don’t care what hand says.
Marty is sitting in 3rd place and he’s a winner for that.
LOSERS
Frank Fleming
Frank, I love you to death.
That’s just the Frank experience.
But I have to call shenanigans on his mini-golf game.
I know you’re not that bad Frank.
You’ve played more mini-golf than anybody at this company.
It’s like he starts his rant before he even finishes his stroke.
I think Frank is better than he’s leading on.
I refuse to believe that Frank is not a better mini-golfer than this.
I know he’s an athletic dude.
He’s obviously a basketball player.
I know he can hit a free throw.
He clearly has solid hand-eye coordination.
There’s no way he should be that far down on the list.
He was taking copious notes and everything.
Whoever designed this hole didn’t think it through.
I’m not Covid shaming or anything.. but to be fair… that is a little hilarious.
You lost to Steven Cheah.
That’s worse than letting"Barstool Investigates feat.
John Rich"end your career.
And it’s the most shocking one.
What the fuck happened Rico?
How is that even possible?
Are your throwing the competition?
I can’t even make your score make sense in my head.
That’s one of the biggest fall offs I’ve ever seen.
I love you Rico, but what the fuck happened?
Moving day (i.e Round 3), is starting tonight at 8 PM EST.
