Even though I typically do not see gender, this is another blog for the fellas.
Question:How fucking great does it feel when you take a piss outdoors?
The first is take a shower…
Showering with Mother Nature is exhilarating.
The hot water runs over your broad shoulders while a cool breeze sneaks by your pendulous balls.
“doesn’t conjure up the same romantic image.
The second thing is smoking a cigar.
I have been to cigar lounges dozens of times, and the experience is hit-or-miss.
But lighting up a big stogie at an outdoor venue always feels right.
(Ewwww, Suge.)
And the last thing is taking a piss outdoors… “-rule, you could reduce flushing in a more gentlemanly way by peeing outside.
Thereby saving that money for something more useful…
Such as drugs, alcohol, and/or pornography.
Outside of economics, there is also a biological angle to consider.
All men have an innate need to mark their territory via scent.
Pissing in the woods harkens back to when we had to lay claim to a particular area.
You own it, and every animal with a nose knows it’s yours…
Especially, if you had asparagus earlier that day.
As I mentioned from the beginning, I think this is primarily a male phenomenon.
As men, we just have to unfurl our big meaty cocks and let it rip.
(The veins are a nice touch.)
Throw that on the ever-growing pile that is labeled MALE PRIVILEGE, I guess.
What about shitting outdoors, Large?
Yeah… What about it?…
It’s fucking terrible.
The cleanup is taxing and it is physically demanding on my arthritic knees.
I’ll go one further…
So let’s keep the stools in the bathroom, and let’s work on keeping the urine outside.
This is particularly true in the queues for any of the new Star Wars rides.
I’ve said it before… Disney is a very expensive scam.
So I am thrilled that people are literally shitting all over it.
I was traveling through Ireland years ago with a handful of fellow Wall Street douchebags.
We rented a driver for the week, who shuttled us from place to place.
I asked where the men’s room was and the bartender pointed me down a narrow hallway.
At the end of the hallway, there were two doors on either side.
I did not wash my hands afterward in the non-existent sink.
I did not check my appearance in the non-existent mirror.
Fast forward a couple of years, and my wife was in the shower in our Master bedroom.
I felt like my father was looking down on me and smiling.
So what can I do to chase that high more often?…
I think I found it.
I think I am going to screw one of these puppies into the rear wall of my backyard shed.
