Thanksgiving is right around the corner.
Then I put them on the wheel to select a topic.
Basically I just ask Twitter to do half my job for me when I’m feeling lazy.
They get shockingly low amounts of clicks.
It’s kinda fun on Twitter.
Doing one every now and then doesn’t hurt anything.
Just means our website will have one less “Taylor Swift walks down the street” blog this week.
For that I apologize.
Some of them are nice to see, others are bad to see.
You do some good reminiscing about the good ol' days.
The only friends you do see are the kinda sad ones.
You leave the bar feeling worse about yourself.
Best: Football
A full day of football curbs the awkwardness of spending time with your extended family.
Just keep in mind he will at one point tell you that Dak Prescott should be playing running back.
That should get him to move on.
Whatever he says, it still beats any non-football conversation you’re going to have.
Worst: Turkey
Turkey is unequivocally the worst part of Thanksgiving.
It’s really the only thing holding it back from being a perfect holiday.
A Turkey is a subpar bird.
It takes way too much effort to cook.
We should all band together and decide that moving forward the official bird of Thanksgiving will be duck.
Duck is an underrated bird.
I had some duck poutine the other day and it was fantastic.
I see ducks everywhere, so I know we have plenty of them.
I’d even rather have pigeon than turkey.
We just have to stop pretending that turkey is good.
I like judging the dogs myself.
Things of that nature.
There are zero redeemable qualities.
The balloons are sort of ok I guess, but the talent is deplorable.
Then they’ll interview some wallpaper celebrity like Elisabeth Moss about her favorite side dish.
It’s a who’s who of “who the fuck cares about these people”.
Those companies belong in hell.
Those places should all remain open for my convenience.
But if your place of work doesn’t affect me personally you should be closed.
Big day for the Sunday scaries.
Can’t explain why.
But my brothers and I hold back tears from laughing every time.
Don’t be like District 1.
That’s fucked up.
Not only is it wasteful, but it’s basically bulimia.
The only time it’s ok to force yourself to puke is from drinking or drugs.
Maybe take the remote and “accidently” flip the channel to Fox News or MSNBC.
Whichever one invokes more of a reaction in your family.
Maybe float out something like, “I think Hunter Biden is just misunderstood.”
We might as well rip the band-aid off."
She’ll come up to you and be like, “Hey John, you like football right?
Well Tim works at Dick’s Sporting Goods.
Why don’t you talk for an hour.”
Then you’re sitting there making small talk over brands of shoes or something.
I’ve never actually experienced that, but that’s definitely happened somewhere and I’m certain it sucked.
Best: Being Thankful
You thank you friends and family for being great.
They thank you for being great.
You share a laugh about how great you all are.
Just a big ol' happy thankful dick sucking fest.
We did a lot of really uncool things to Native American’s.
Like small pox blankets.
At least that’s why my uncle told me.
