Last year, Delta tightened the screws on its status thresholds.
Too many people had achieved high medallion status, and the days of everyman elitism were over.
Even short regional legs, from Chicago to New York, had no upgrades available.
In short, they let too many people in da club.
So the club sucked, and it was time for a purge.
Contrary to popular belief, I actually wasn’t a first class guy.
And, he said, the food at the Delta Lounges wasn’t bad either.
I never stood a chance.
Thus began my quest for Diamond status.
Thanks to some card signup bonuses, I breezed through silver and gold.
By August, I’d hit platinum, which was exciting.
But diamond status remained a distant, hazy dream.
And I wanted it more than anything.
Just stroll right to the front like you’re OBJ at 1 Oak in 2016.
If there is a first class seat available, it’s going to you.
A VIP phone line.
I’m told you call this number and someone just says “Hello?”
on the other end.
Doesn’t even ring.
They’re waiting for you.
- A free checked bag for you AND EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE TRAVELING ON YOUR RESERVATION.
Eight fucking people!!!
you could flee your country with your entire extended family with no baggage fees.
The Von Trapps could have avoided the nettle stings and blistered ankles of crossing the alps on foot.
- Priority, expedited luggage service.
I ended with Platinum, which ain’t bad.
But it’s no diamond.
It felt a bit like losing the NBA finals.
I walked off my last flight in December, vowing to never feel this feeling again.
Next year, I would work harder.
Or take a bunch of cross-country flights booked in a Delta One (business class) seat.
You gotta SPEND to get there.
Look, I get it.
ESPECIALLY if that kid was upgraded because his dad used a complimentary companion upgrade thanks to his easily-achieved status.
A total kick in the dick.
Still, I’m not throwing in the towel yet.
It’s a long year and we’re on a decent pace.
If I don’t get there, I hope Delta at least got their new status thresholds right.
I hope the new walls of privilege they built are forged of impenetrable stuff.
