I would like to start fielding my own questions.
I really hate posing the question as, “What would you like advice from John Rich on?”
But idk how else to word it.
And in reality, that’s exactly what I’m asking people to do.
If you want some bad advice from the all-knowing John Rich of Barstool Sports, then let it rip.
They can be literally anything.
I’ll answer any questions that aren’t going to get me fired.
Until then, the Dear Abby questions will have to do.
DEAR ABBY:I am not exaggerating my friend ALWAYS has to be number one and first.
I wont go into everything, but she MUST win at everything and be the center of attention.
I dont understand her behavior.
What can I do?
But this question isn’t about your devil worshipping, cult-member mom.
It’s about your friend.
And to be honest with you, your friend sounds like a winner.
“Oh poor me, my extremely successful friend is the best at everything she does?
“- That’s what you sound like.
What your hot friend managed to accomplish by taking control of the Easter Egg Hunt is winning behavior.
She was able to infiltrate the cult, and take matters into her own hands.
Your friend worked her way up the chain of command to the top of the Red Hat Society.
She organized the entire event herself.
Invite her over for dinner and pick her brain.
Take notes on how she lives her life and use those notes to better yourself.
We have shared many good times together and feel like family.
The problem is, she cuts me off during every phone conversation.
She has done this for years, but lately its gotten worse.
Shes in a new marriage, and we rarely talk anymore.
I never do that to her.
I listen patiently and quietly while she tells me about her life.
Should I just forget about our friendship and stop answering her calls?
Telling her will only make her mad to the point that she wont talk to me anymore anyway.
Your friend will be on pins and needles for that one.
But if she still decides to interrupt you, here’s what your move is.
If she cuts you off halfway through, just stop talking entirely.
Do not continue with your story.
Let her finish whatever bullshit antidote she interrupted you with, then shut up.
Once she’s done talking, she’s going to ask you what happens next.
But DO NOT tell her.
Instead say, “I’m sorry, since you cut me off I figured you weren’t interested.
You don’t get to hear the rest.”
She’s not going to like that.
But no matter what, DO NOT finish the story.
This will teach her a lesson.
From there on out, your friend will think twice about cutting you off mid-sentence.
She won’t want to risk missing out on another one of your potentially heroic tales ever again.
DEAR ABBY:My boyfriend just started his first year of college.
We have been together for about a year and a half.
He isnt super far away, but his mom is restricting us from seeing each other too often.
Every time I go to visit him, I pay for my own train ticket.
I dont really think my visiting him is affecting her in any way.
A relationship is hard to maintain seeing each other only once a month.
He does come home for breaks and some weekends, which I am grateful for.
I just dont feel she should be making those choices for us.
I want to communicate to her about this, but I dont want to seem disrespectful or rude.
What should I do?
If you want that feeling to last, I recommend you feed into the lie.
Tell your mother that you’re no longer seeing this boyfriend.
She’ll be so proud of you for moving on to something new.
But that will only make your relationship hotter.
Every time you sneak off to visit him, it will be more of a risk.
The key to a healthy relationship is having a common enemy.
If everyone in your life supports you, things are going to get stale within a few months.
So don’t think of your mother’s disapproval as a problem, think of it as a solution.
(a lot of my advice is just dumb jokes, but I actually believe in this one).
