I’m afraid I’ve made a terrible mistake.
I figured that would make this whole exercise a little more legitimate.
So naturally, to encourage people to answer, I said something along the lines of.
“If you respond with any question at all, I will almost certainly answer it.”
I had 43 questions to answer.
But I’m going to sift through each and every one and provide as many answers as I can.
So I’ll be splitting this up into multiple parts.
Dear John,
I write to you under great duress.
However, as I returned home I was greeted with jest by members of my community.
Sincerely, Neville (@neville)
This is quality writing, Neville.
I’m fairly certain this is a reference to something I’m not familiar with.
Oh wait, no… it’s Hitler.
You’re Neville Chamberlain and you’re talking about Hitler.
That took embarrassingly long for me to get.
But the thing is Im married, so is she.
So my question is how does one start a clandestine affair with ones therapist?
That feels like a tad too strong.
On the off chance you’re not doing a Soprano’s bit, here’s my advice.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
You just gotta go for it.
Therapists are hornier than you might think.
It’s still a risk.
There’s always a chance you could be reading this situation incorrectly.
Saving up money for an engagement ring -
Dear John.
No offense, I dont think you make that much money.
Probably a decent living, but not enough to easily save what engagement rings cost.
That being said - how did you do it?
Did you sell blood, semen, maybe a mix of both?
Ill hang up and listen, thanks.
dear John puts the taylor swift song in my head.
I wish I was John Mayer and I wouldnt have to get engaged.
You’ve made a correct assumption about my finances.
I just bit the bullet and put my whole engagement ring on a credit card.
It was pretty devastating at the time.
I don’t have nearly as much money saved up as a responsible 32-year old should.
The ring I bough ended up being around $8,000.
I was going to spend less, but the internet bullied me into thinking $5,000 was pathetic.
They may have been right.
I still don’t really know what the rule is.
you could get one that’s 2 karats for less than I paid.
Unfortunately, it will not be a blood diamond mined with the hands starving children in Cote d’Ivoire.
Many women prefer that.
But to answer your actual question, no I didn’t sell my semen-blood.
You’ll make it back eventually.
Money isn’t real.
It doesn’t matter.
It only seems like it does.
The sketchier the website the better.
That means there will be less people entered in the contest.
Give your personal information (name, phone number, email, etc.)
to as many different entities as possible.
You’re bound to win one eventually.
Just do whatever he asks, even if the English seems a little broken.
Soon enough he’ll wire hundreds of thousands of dollars into your bank account.
Or you’re able to just buy bitcoin.
Either way should work.
My friend will only have sex with a girl if it happens to be my ex girlfriend.
Should I be honored or mad?
- Ty
You should be mad.
it’s crucial that you teach your friend a lesson.
If she’s pozzed up that would be ideal.
After a few months, stage a big dramatic breakup.
If what you’re telling me is true, your scumbag friend will definitely have sex with her.
Monitor the situation closely.
See if he ever fucks one of your exes again.
Can meth improve your relationship with your spouse?
For most people no.
Meth is a big no-no for most women.
However, if your wife is a meth-addict, it can really take your relationship to knew heights.
Nothing will make your meth-addict wife happier than when you surprise her with a fresh bag of meth.
At least your marriage won’t be boring.
Alright, I’m stopping there for now.
I’ll put together part two and post it later tonight or tomorrow morning.
In case that’s not obvious enough already.
You shouldn’t knowingly give your friend AIDS.
