Dear John,
Got a bit of a doozy for you.
So I live in a very typical suburban neighborhood in rural America.
I have two young kids and a lovely wife.
Jane finds out that we know and asks my wife to meet and talk about it.
What are your thoughts on how to handle this situation?
Idk why you had to choose “John” as a pseudonym.
But that’s fine.
I’ll power through it.
it’s crucial that you convince Jane’s husband to seduce Lucy.
If you break the news to Lucy, there’s no telling how she’s going to react.
Then you’re smack dab in the middle of everything.
You’re going to end up playing mediator.
You’ll be Lucy’s shoulder to cry on.
Lucy is going to end up crashing on your couch for months.
She’ll overstay her welcome.
You’ll grow to resent her.
You’ll eventually have to pay for a hotel just to get her out of your hair.
That’s a nightmare scenario.
Everyone will have a secret.
That’s how healthy adults handle situations.
It’ssort oflike they said in Oppenheimer when Oppenheimer was justifying making the bomb.
When everybody has their own nuclear weapons, it will actually bring world peace.
You must get Jane’s husband has to fuck Lucy.
Slip some aphrodisiacs in their wine one night if you have to.
Then nobody has to feel bad about anything, because they’ll all be equally shitty people.
It’s the only way to handle this.
How much more desirable is a man if he’s funny?
A lot of women seem to say they find humor attractive.
But how much can it overcome some less than desirable red flags?
I’m a 33 yo guy who has turned away every solid opportunity HANDED to me.
I’ve decided to take the hard path.
Being broke is humbling but its also been somewhat of a choice.
So has living with mom.
Its taught me many lessons in life.
Its served as a trusty compass to help find my footing in this world.
Especially when you add the financial aid of mother for all these years.
People don’t know about the fire in my belly.
First things first, I’m sorry about your balls and penis.
She won’t be able to say shit then.
Which honestly might be kind of tough.
I’d be like, man…. do I really wanna go balls deep in cancer?
Is that a smart thing to do?
I know it’s not AIDS but like… …. shit…. it’s kind of like AIDS.
It depends on how funny you are, and it depends on how much you have working against you.
So if you’re roughly as funny as Katt Williams in his prime you should be ok.
I’d lean less on “being funny” and more on “having cancer”.
Sympathy sex counts the same as regular sex.
Consider a hot woman in her early 30’s who spent her whole life sleeping around with ass holes.
She probably feels bad about her choices.
Getting with cancer guy would be a good deed.
That would cancel out all the douche bags she dated in her past.
“Oh my god Sammi, that’s so nice of you to fall in love with cancer guy.
You’re in a position where a girl can parlay dating you into a few hundred thousand TikTok followers.
That’s nothing to sneeze at.
I’m not saying you don’t need to be funny.
Be as funny as you’re able to.
But god dealt you shitty hand when he gave you cancer.
Use the cancer to your advantage any way you might.
Sympathy is a powerful thing.
I want to get into the drugs, but Im not sure how to start.
But you have to practice self-control.
If you’re truly serious about developing a drug habit, you have to start small.
You also have to understand that it will eventually all come crashing down on you.
That’s how drugs work.
But if you’re smart, you could stretch out the process for 5, maybe even 10 years.
Obviously you start with marijuana.
If you’re not an experienced smoker, good weed is going to hit you like a hard drug.
I’d spend at least a full year doing nothing but smoking weed.
Stretch that new-stoner feeling out for as long as you’re able to.
It can kill you in an instant.
You’ll get bored of cocaine pretty quick though.
With the exception of weed, all drugs pretty much start being fun after a month or so.
The return on investment dwindles drastically after you’ve been doing it for a few months.
You gotta get off the uppers.
If I were you, I’d get into psychedelics next.
I prefer acid to mushrooms, but you should definitely experiment with both.
But eventually those are going to rot your brain.
you could’t overdo psychedelics.
Once you start to feel a little brain fried, THAT’S when you turn to Opiates.
Start with OTC pills like Percs and Vics.
I’m out of the game now, so I’m not sure what comes after those.
Maybe the blue roxys?
Do Oxys or Opanas still exist?
Whatever you’re able to get your hands on will work fine.
Either way, do the harder OTC pills until you’re no longer achieving the high you once were.
That’s when you switch to herion.
Don’t be dumb though.
Whatever you do, DO NOT shoot up the heroin.
you’re free to’t come back from that.
Trust me, I’ve seen it plenty.
But even if you’re not shooting it up, Fentanyl is still a problem.
So you’ll just have to roll the dice there.
Just be sure you knock on wood.
And just like any other drug, you’ll eventually work up a heroin tolerance.
Eventually, heroin will no longer get you high.
It’ll just make you not want to kill yourself for the next 6-8 hours.
Which might be an even better feeling.
Xanax will be wrapped up into that too.
Although you really shouldn’t combine the two, That’s a great way to die.
You’ll only use Xanax to bridge the gap between heroin fixes.
If you don’t have good insurance this will cost you tens of thousands of dollars.
Some will forgive you, some won’t.
You’re certainly going to lose a lot of friends.
You’ll have no money.
You’ll probably have a ton of debts, and owe SO MUCH money in medical bills.
You’ll be working a Dairy Queen for minimum wage.
You’ll likely be living with your parents.
But hey… you wanted to get into drugs.
If you’re serious about “getting into drugs”, that’s how it’s fucking done.
Also you’ll probably go through a weird meth phase at some point.
I’m not sure when the best time for that is.
You’ll probably just go back to opiates
P.P.S.
I also forgot about Adderall.
That probably overlaps with weed and leads into cocaine.
Don’t get into fucking drugs dumbass.
It’s never worth it.
