This week has been a busy one in lockdown town.
I think I really like her.
But online dating is starting to drive me crazy.
Im tired of dating apps, Whatsapp, and every other app.
Im tired of talking to people through a screen.
This is the new normal and I hate it.
Legally, at least.
Were both now wondering whether its almost time to break the law.
Its only a 30 fine for a first offense.
Id happily transfer the police the money in advance.
Its better than nothing, I guess.
Hes converted his east London eatery into a non-contact delivery service, and we both live near the kitchen.
I suggest we order the same dishes and eat them together on Zoom.
Hildas up for it.
We browse the menu and put together an enormous order.
This one could be a keeper.
At 8.15PM, my doorbell rings.
I open it to find an enormous bag of food on my doormat.
Five minutes later, Hilda lets me know that her order has arrived.
It was dropped off by Alex, a chef whos doing delivery shifts until Londons restaurants reopen.
I hope she didnt geta good look at him.
We tuck in and take a stab at work out what day it is today.
Bumble is enjoying a similar surge in use, with messages up 35% since social distancing started.
But Im not interested in any of them now Hilda and I are virtually going steady.
Hilda says shes even ignoring her Hinge notifications now.
Well, shes missed her chance.
Im dating Hilda now, and shes great.
The other day, I told her that Id comfort-eaten all my snacks.
The next morning, she sent me a box of pastries in the post.
Or merely a reminder that love online can be as fragile as IRL?
Maybe Im just not cut out for the NBA after all.
We agree on a change of venue for date number three: Houseparty.
We do a quiz and play songs to each other throughthe JQBOX app.
Its another lovely evening, but there are some things that apps cant digitally recreate.
Its hard to make a real connection with someone through a screen.
We cant go anywhere together.
I wish we could catch a movie or go for a walk in the park.
We cant even see each other in 3D.
Instead, we stare out the window at the sunshine and wonder when this will all end.
Worst of all is the lack of physical touch, and Im not just talking about sex.
Touch plays a crucial role in how we communicate.
But the thing I miss the most is hugs.
To make up for the lack of intimacy, we discuss online alternatives.
Hilda makes a great suggestion for our next date: Strip bowling.
The poor girl has no idea shes rolling with a kingpin.
Tune in next week for the nudes.
Story byThomas Macaulay
Thomas is the managing editor of TNW.
He leads our coverage of European tech and oversees our talented team of writers.
Away from work, he e(show all)Thomas is the managing editor of TNW.
He leads our coverage of European tech and oversees our talented team of writers.
Away from work, he enjoys playing chess (badly) and the guitar (even worse).
