Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out.
I’m going to try something new today.
If it goes well I want to start doing more of them.
If it goes terribly then I’ll burn it with fire.
I think my advice will be better.
They have been asked to quiet down by instructors and the other participants.
There is even a sign on the door asking for limited talking.
These elderly ladies are oblivious to how loud and disturbing they are.
They are kidding themselves if they think they are working out they just bob up and down and talk.
Once in a while, they ask What are we doing now?
because they are not paying attention.
When these ladies start talking to each other, those nearby get distracted and cant work out, either.
SPLASHING MAD IN NORTH IDAHO
DEAR SPLASHING MAD - Shut up.
You have to understand time and place.
You’re dealing withold womenatwater aerobics.
That’s their dojo.
The water aerobics pool is their thunder dome.
They make the rules, not you, not the instructor.
Any given water aerobics class could be their last.
Make the final years the best they can be.
Help them narrow in on the instructors deepest insecurities.
Does she have thinning hair?
Has she been divorced?
Is her son in jail?
A simple Google search can help uncover personal information about the instructor that will really cut deep.
She might even cry.
DEAR JOHN: My wife, Connie, is an angel.
She takes care of her aging father as well as my sister, who suffers from Alzheimers.
This, in addition to her religious practices, consumes most of her time, energy and emotional resources.
She often arrives home in the late afternoon or early evening stressed and completely exhausted.
An elderly and physically challenged neighbor has occasionally relied on Connie for help with little tasks.
I worry that these extra responsibilities will be detrimental to her health, and I have told her so.
She acknowledges my position, but feels obligated toward this neighbor.
AT THE LIMIT IN OREGON
DEAR AT THE LIMIT - Yeah it sounds like she’s fucked.
She’s in too deep now.
What is she going to do, just let your neighbor wither away in to nothing?
Do you know how messed up that would be?
Your only other option is to get off your own ass and start helping out yourself.
But let’s be honest, that’s not about to happen.
I’m sure you’re working 12 hours day, 7 days a week in the coal mines.
Then you need your nightly six-pack of Busch Light for your own mental health.
Plus, March Madness is right around the corner.
The answer here is simple.
As a best man, you’ll likely be in responsible for the bachelor party.
What it’s crucial that you do is hire a hooker.
Not a stripper, a hooker.
But you might’t let him know she’s on the payroll.
All you have to do is naturally get her in a conversation with him.
He’ll think, “Wait a minute, there are girls out there who aren’t cunts?”
You’ll get him drunk, and by the end of the night he’ll be in love.
He’ll question everything he thought he knew about women.
Take her back to your AirBnB and have her seal the deal.
Best case scenario, after that experience, he’ll call the wedding off himself.
But just in case, you’re going to want hard evidence.
Tell him he either calls off the wedding, or you send his fiancee the proof.
Keep in mind you might lose your brother for life.
If you think that’s going too far, then maybe she isn’t that bad.
