Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out.
At Barstool Sports, we get the day off for Martin Luther King Day.
But not everyone works for a company as progressive as Barstool Sports.
I’m going to mix it up this week and post Instagram pics instead of Boob GIFs.
I haven’t been satisfied with the quality of Boob GIFs on the internet lately.
A lot of the Boob GIFs I come across are poor quality.
Nothing upsets me more than settling for a grainy Boob GIF.
Thereadersviewers deserve better than that.
SHUT THE FUCK UP FRED THAT’S NOT EVEN FUCKING QUIRKY!
Me talking about my co-workers neck surgery is notquirky.
That’s just me wondering how the fuck someone forgets that they have a scheduled neck surgery.
I mean that’s insane right?
If I had a neck surgery coming up, that would be the ONLY thing on my mind.
The thought of neck surgery would have consumed my life.
But Barstool Sports fan favorite Will Burge FORGOT he had neck surgery.
On a Wednesday no less!
That’s just dumb.
It’s not “quirky”.
That’s a fantastic example of me trying too hard.
Not the neck surgery tweet.
Fuck you Fred Williams.
You’re so dumb.
There are so many valid reasons to criticize me.
Blindly throw a dart at the wall and you’ll land on a good one.
It’s pathetic you might’t even get that right.
On top of trying to be quirky, I spend a lot of time trying to be a gambler.
And as a gambler, I’m on an incredible cold streak lately.
I’ve started rationing my money by betting $5 a time on +2000ish parlays.
Every weekend I see tweets about someone who hits a $5 parlay that netted them thousands of dollars.
Just one time I want that to be me.
Here’s the bet I made today.
I didn’t even make it past the first game.
Did you see this statue that was unveiled in Boston this weekend?
Naturally, my initial response was, “I should make fun of this”.
But then I realized what the statue was.
The statue represents a beautiful, historical moment between Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta Scott King.
The moment is known asThe Embrace.The Embraceoccurred after Martin Luther King Jr. won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964.
So I decided I should not make jokes about the statue.
But I did think it wasn’t smart to make an arms only statue.
Then I thought about how hard it is to get heads/faces right on a statue.
Heads/faces are risky business.
Remember when they made that horrible statue of Cristiano Ronaldo?
you might’t risk messing up MLK’s head.
The builders of the MLK statue probably thought, “Faces are too tricky.
If we just use the arms, it can’t end up looking that bad”.
They’re very hard to get right.
Ok, new topic.
George Santos has been in the news for lying lately.
I’m considering becoming the George Santos of Barstool Sports.
Why bother telling the truth, when lies are way more interesting.
Nobody cares about what I’mactuallydoing in real life.
I might as well just start making things up.
I should have been making things up from the jump.
My friends and family back home would have backed me up on my lies.
I could have made such an awesome backstory for myself.
Everyone would have assumed I was telling the truth.
Moving forward I might start lying more.
Hitler has been been skating by for way too long.
Dating teenagers is a bridge too far (P.S.
I’ve bailed on Instagram.
GIFs are just better.
Because that’s what Barstool Sports is about.
99% of us would give our left nut to be Skip Bayless.
I know I would.
I mean… the other day Dave Portnoy said that Lionel Messi stinks.
The first time I watched it I only made it through the first season.
I spent most of the time on my phone.
I feel like a great show would have pulled me away from my phone.
