Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out.
I’m writing this blog on expert level difficulty.
My girlfriend’s parents are sitting across the table from me.
Need to ensure that doesn’t happen.
So I have that big ol' elephant floating around the room.
But I won’t let it stop me from getting this smut blog out to the masses.
Not to keep harping on that picture, but my own parents haven’t called me about it.
Nobody in my family has mentioned whatsoever.
What the fuck guys?
Your own son is dying, live on the internet.
You don’t wanna check in on me?
Do you not love me?
At least tell me to go to the doctor or something.
Do your job parents.
I just realized I accidentally posted that picture of Tom Brady instead of the picture of me.
I got my own picture confused with Tom Brady, the 7x Super Bowl Championship QB who dates supermodels.
We just look so similar.
My bad guys, here’s the one I meant to post.
Ok, I’m sorry.
I’m done writing about the picture.
It’s my only course of action.
The great thing about being skinny is you might get jacked in like 2 months.
My hands are tied.
I need to combat that photo somehow.
Anthony Richardson sucked in college right?
I was under the impression that he was a bad quarterback.
But it appears we’re just going to ignore that because of his combine performance.
The man did a backflip.
He has the highest vertical leap in the history of quarterbacks.
How can anybody turn down an opportunity to have the highest jumping quarterback in the NFL?
“Huh, good for Jake Gyllenhaal.
I didn’t know he was pursing a career in MMA.
He must be pretty good if he’s fighting in the UFC.
Oh wow, he’s beating the shit out of that guy.
What the fuck is that ref doing?
He has zero control over this fight.
Wait.. ahhh.. never mind, it’s for a movie.”
- Me, and probably a lot more people then will ever admit it.
Matthew McConaughey and his wife were apparently on that flight that hit crazy turbulence and left 7 people hospitalized.
If I ever die in a freak accident, I would like it to be in a plane crash.
Because a plane crash would be in no way my fault.
If it were a car crash, then there was probably something I could have done to avoid it.
If it were a fire, I could have had a better escape plan.
If it were a shark attack, I could have punched the shark in the nose like an adult.
But a plane crash is nothing but tragic, and 100% of the blame is on the pilot.
Unfortunately, Dante The Don beat me to the blog this time.
I’m curious if sexually assaulting a bar owner is enough to get him cancelled.
If there’s anybody who can overcome an assault case it’s Jackson Mahomes.
