Im sure youve heard the news:a Facebook smartwatch is on the way.
And you know how this makes me feel?
I have a dilemma.
Ideally, Id like to give Facebook more of my personal data than a simple wrist-bound wearable can deliver.
Theres only one solution: ZuckTech.
And lots of it.
Luckily for you and Facebook, Im just the man to create it.
It’s free, every week, in your inbox.
So how about Zuckerberg releases a Facebook thermometer?
That also takes blood?
And cannot be removed without surgical assistance?
Thats some quality ZuckTech right there.
Think of all the people out there using phones, tablets, and computers that Zuckerbergdoesnthave access to.
It makes me sick.
Thats why Id like to introduce you to the Facebook cube.
Picture it: a deep, black box covered with screens and cameras and microphones.
Is it a phone?
Friends, its all of this and more.
It forms a layer over your skin, covering every orifice and coating each sense.
It sees what you see, hears what you hear, smells what you smell.
Sounds great, right?
Think of the utopia that would be!
Facebook data would never again be used against your knowledgeto rig elections.
It wouldnt need to pay$20 to access all your phone dataorread all your messages without permission.
It cant be a privacy violation if the company now owns your privacy!
Friends, a Facebook smartwatch is just the start, merely a curtain twitch from the sweaty peepers house.
Ive shown you just how much more potential there is out there.
Just as nature intended.
