The conversation was going smoothly.
He asked if she would show him around when he arrived; she said that would be cool.
He called her cute, and she called him cute back.
At one point, she said she cant wait for him to get there.
Thats part of the job: Never follow through, he added.
-NY Times
Way to go Caden, you knight-in-cucking-armor.
Sure, you’ve seen zero minutes of playing time for the illustrious NAIA Keiser University Seahawks.
You abide by the code: never follow through.
Noble as the day is long.
This service is a TRAP, folks.
That old saying: where there’s smoke, there’s fire?
This Loyalty-Test thingwill you ever be satisfied?
Or she wasn’t his bang out.
Because this is about you, oh hunter of smoking guns.
And as soon as you start trafficking in loyalty testers, you’ll never find peace within yourself.
One woman asked her to send her boyfriend a message on Instagram to see if he would respond.
She wrote heyyy cutie, and he replied with five red-faced hot-and-bothered emojis and asked for her Snapchat.
We’re told to watch out for AI these days.
They’ll bring you to your knees faster than a chop block from ol' Caden Redmond.
I went on the Loyalty-Test website to poke around.
There are a handful of relatively attractive young people on there.
Then I found this guy:
Fuck.
Zook is EXACTLY my wife’s pop in.
Instantly, the hairs of suspicion on the back of my neck stood stiff.
They say that when you go fishing, you’ll find something.
Zook is from St. Petersburg, FL, whose waters team with grouper, snapper, and amberjack.
I had to cast.
But which package to choose?
I could go with the basic “truthfinder,” aka worm bait.
Did I actuallyneedto confirm her duplicity?
$150 seemed like a massive waste.
Especially since I now had to hire a lawyer to draft our divorce papers.
Thanks Loyalty-Test, you saved me from becoming a cuck AND wasting money.
