But if I spell it “dos” that looks like I’m counting in Spanish.
The English language needs to get it’s shit together.
If you’re thinking, “this is way too early for a Halloween blog.”
This is my list of Halloween do’s and don’ts.
Mull these over for the weeks leading up to the holiday.
Even if you think it’s stupid.
Personally, I think it’s kind of stupid.
I know it’s tempting.
It’s so easy.
Just get a Colorado flat bill, giant sunglasses, and a big gold chain.
But that’s what everybody is thinking.
Can you even imagine what the frat parties at Colorado are going to look like?
Nothing but Deion Sanders as far as the eye can see.
A grove of people will definitely be getting in trouble for black face.
there was a cash prize and we were allowed to drink).
He doesn’t want to do it.
“Oh my god Richard you would be SO FUNNY in this wig!”
Shut the fuck up.
You’re actively making his life worse by trying to guilt him into it.
Just leave him alone.
That’s still assault.
You have to act fast though.
It needs to look impulsive.
If you hesitate for second that’s going to be assault as well.
“, and nobody can really get mad at you.
It will also teach Dale a valuable life lesson about not being a loser.
At least 80% of your office is going to LOVE you for it.
It’s a win-win for everybody involved.
It’s delicious, affordable, and consistent in their portion sizes and speed of service.
Just hand out the candy yourself.
Keep 5-10 full sized candy bars stashed away to give to children who’s costumes deserve it.
Then have your main bucket of fun sized candy for the regulars.
The kids need to learn about capitalism.
It would be wildly inappropriate.
Why would you even think to do that?
That’s so fucked up.
It could land you in prison for life.
There’s nothing more thrilling than running away from an adult after you’ve just vandalized their family home.
Chasing the kids make for a lifelong memory.
It’s also fun for you.
Keep your guns inside and chase them raw.
If you might catch a kid, even better.
The Halloween night TP game is a game of cat and mouse.
A fun little back and forth between neighborhood kids and adults.
You might even end up with a neighborhood rival.
Everyone needs a rival.
That’s just good wholesome fun.
And if they get away with it, then more power to them.
You’ll get em next year.
Don’t: Call the cops on the kidsCalling the cops is so lame.
That’s the cowards way out.
If you call the cops all the fun is over.
You simply need tothreatenthem with cops.
That’s how you get them to clean up your yard.
Maybe get a year of free lawn mowings out of the whole ordeal.
Force them to wash your car.
Or power wash your house.
You’ve got them exactly where you want them.
You’d be an idiot to not exploit the situation for free child labor.
