Thisarticlewas originally published on.cultbySyk Houdeib.
.cult is a Berlin-based community platform for developers.
Heres how imposter syndrome affected me in my first month as adeveloper.
But its also for people at every level because imposter syndrome affects everyone.
Bringing this to light allows all of us to deal better with this ugly monster and its impact.
It’s free, every week, in your inbox.
It was the culmination of a lot of hard work and lots of hopes and dreams.
But I had no idea what to expect.
I was 40 years old.
I had spent the last decade teaching English and had no real qualifications in computer science.
These were the perfect ingredients to feel like an imposter.
I thought I was ready for it once I started working.
The first days
My first day as a front-end developer was easy.
Meetings about the company and its objectives.
All easy to understand and handle.
The next couple of days is when the reality of it came crashing down and left me dizzy.
I started to struggle as I got set up and had the codebase explained to me.
There were so many new and unrecognisable terms and technologies.
Nothing that I had done in my courses had prepared me for that level of complexity.
It was easy to get overwhelmed.
After that, it was on with the real work.
I got assigned my first task.
I had to build an internal tool from scratch.
I got a hand to get it started, but I was pretty much was left to it.
Throughout these first few days and over the following weeks, imposter syndrome made itself very present.
There were moments of calm, and moments of excitement when things worked and I advanced.
But there were other moments of total fear.
Here are some things that would trigger the imposter feeling:
1.
Needing help for everything
I couldnt work autonomously.
I couldnt advance on my own.
I needed help to do most things.
I didnt even have the skills to debug my own mistakes sometimes.
And it always felt like I was wasting their time.
Like Im a chore for them.
It wasnt anything they said, its just the feeling you get.
At that moment you feel useless and the imposters voice becomes a thundering roar.
All this lead me to develop an unhealthy feeling.
At times I believed the rest of the team didnt think I belonged there.
Even that my supervisors were wondering why they hired me.
All of these are the classic symptoms of imposter syndrome.
I knew this, and still, I felt it.
No amount of knowledge about imposter syndrome helped me stop it.
Thats because that voice is so cunning, it knows your fears and plays on them.
It tells you that, in your case, youre actually a real imposter.
Slayer of monsters
Lets start from the end.
So the monster wasnt real.
That first month had plenty of good moments too.
And, another thing, I didnt become immune to imposter syndrome.
It doesnt simply disappear with time and experience.
It still shows up every now and then.
Its part of life in this field.
Its a mentally taxing job.
Its very easy to feel that the reason you cant do something is because of your own brains limitations.
And that can start a cascade of negative thoughts that lead to imposter feelings.
So here are some of the tips I learned from that first month to deal with this monster.
Remember the imposter monster exists
This might be obvious, but we need to remember it.
This is especially true for a junior.
I cannot stress the importance of this.
Ask for help
Youre a junior.
Its ok to ask lots of questions.
Even if you arent a junior, it’s crucial that you ask lots of questions.
You might feel youre interrupting your coworkers, but its inevitable.
Hopefully, youll be lucky and find people who are accommodating.
Because it is totally normal to need guidance and help.
And that they were comfortable saying I dont know.
Knowing everything is not a requirement in this field.
Being open to learning is.
And you get terribly overwhelmed!
Thats not how this works.
Spend time, in the beginning, understanding the totality of the task.
Think about it in general terms.
But when you get started, break it down into the smallest pieces possible.
This helped me out at times when I felt frozen and couldnt advance.
Whats the smallest tiniest thing that I know I can do?
Get started, its better to have to go back and fix something than not moving forward at all.
You cant learn everything at once
Any typical project will have many layers of complexity.
It will use a myriad of different technologies and tools.
Theres no course that prepares you for that.
You simply cant learn all this at once.
Theres so much of it.
So accept that this is a process, and it will take time.
You cant expect to know how to do something if youve never done it before.
A great strategy is to find your favorite way to document and use it.
I use the humble Keep notes to create checklists of step-by-step instructions and useful commands.
Others use more detailed documentation tools.
But, whatever it is, take the time to write down complex things youll need to do again.
Itll be one less thing youll need help with.
Sleep
This is just good advice in any context.
But in this case, it can make a big difference.
Our job is sedentary and mentally challenging.
you gotta move to release stress and clear your thoughts.
you oughta eat well to have the right energy.
And you should probably rest and sleep to disconnect and come back to your problems with a fresh mind.
This is easier said than done, especially when starting a new job, or facing a new challenge.
That you had better use your time to learn as much as possible.
Thats what I did too in my first month, but I wish I knew better.
This will make you more productive and facilitate learning.
Understand that they hired you
The people who hired you know your level.
They made the decision that youre a suitable fit for their team.
They believe you’ve got the option to learn the skills they expect.
Remind yourself of this as doubt kicks in.
Usually, they know exactly what they hired and theyre fine with it.
It was their decision all along.
All you’re gonna wanna do is be honest in the hiring process.
dont pretend you know what you dont.
Feedback
Feedback is as important as mentorship.
If youre the new member, with some luck youll have scheduled feedback meetings with your supervisors.
If not, ask for it.
It might be the scariest thing to do when youre already feeling like an imposter.
But it might be the best thing you might do to defeat the monster.
The turning point for me in my battle with imposter syndrome was my first-month review with my manager.
We went for a walk around the block.
I was expecting the worst.
But I couldnt have been more wrong.
I already gave you a spoiler at the beginning of this section.
The exact opposite of what the imposter syndrome had me believe.
That day I went back home feeling over the moon.
My confidence shot up.
That was the moment I started paying less attention to that nasty voice.
I started believing in my capacity to learn all the complexities I had to deal with.
And boost their progress.
We find programming difficult not because theres something wrong with us, but because its complex.
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