Saying good morning, in person, to a coworker you dont know is perfectly normal.
Sending a private message to a coworker you dont know to say good morning is…weird.
If not downright creepy.
Look, thats just how it is.
I dont make the rules.
All of this makes it hard to connect with coworkers, let alone make friends with them.
But thats not to say its impossible.
Ive been working from home for over a decade.
The conversations keep me sane when things get hard.
The connections give me more reasons to care about what Im doing.
And the friendships Ive made along the way have lasted much longer than the jobs themselves.
But all that only happens if you reach out without being weird about it.
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Why reaching out can feel weird
Lets get back to saying Good morning.
The weirdness, I think, comes down to choice.
Saying Good morning out loud is reflexive because were conditioned to do it.
You saw a person, it was morning, so you said good morning like a normal human person.
You looked for that coworker, clicked their profile, then used your fingers to pop in a message.
That effort, small as it is, changes the context and meaning of the statement.
That can feel weird.
The good news: we now understandwhythis is weird, which means we can make it less weird.
The solution:explain why youre reaching out.
Its really not any more complicated than that.
Dont say hello without context, and dont ask someone if they have time to talk.
Always give a reason why you want to talk to someone.
It can feel a little weird, but its the only way these chats will happen.
Another way to start a conversation is to respond privately to something someone said in a public channel.
Katie actually reached out to me a year ago with one of these strategies.
It turns out I really like being told Im funny, because now we talk regularly.
Im not sure what that says about me.
Be vulnerable
Another idea is to share something about yourself.
My coworker JC calls this offensive vulnerability, and it works.
Thats my general strategy.
Dont take delays personally
Did you reach out to someone?
Now go do something else.
But sometimes they wont, and thats okay.
Everyone at your company has things to do, and that means not responding to every message right away.
Its nothing personaljust the nature of online communication.
You, presumably, also have things you should be doing.
Youll hear back eventually.
Respect theback-and-forth
The best in-person conversations are not one-sidedthey have a natural give and take.
Online conversation also works best this way, even if it doesnt happen in real time.
If you want your conversations to feel natural, you’re gonna wanna respect this back-and-forth.
This means asking a question, waiting for people to respond, and only following up after that happens.
Do not, under any circumstances, send a trickle of messages to someone you only kind of know.
That is going to be weird for everyone involved.
Dont make it weird.
Send one message, then wait for a response.
Assume that your coworker saw the message and will respond, or not, on their own time.
Dont follow up on the same day (unless you actually need a response, for work reasons).
Theres always the chance that someone legitimately didnt see your message, or saw it and forgot to respond.
If you think thats the case, its probably okay to send another message, ideally the following day.
But if someone continually doesnt respond when you reach out, c’mon: take the hint.
Some people wont want to talk to you outside a work context, and thats okay.
Pay attention to these and dont reach out to chat when someone is busy.
My coworkers know that I wont respond quickly when they see this status.
You should also set up a status for yourself.
Either way, it helps your coworkers know when youre available to chat and when youre not.
Small interactions matter
Working from home can be lonely, but it doesnt have to be.
Its just a matter of learning how to communicate in a different environment.
We want to be seen by others, and to see others clearly.
Theres nothing weird about that.
Just take the time to learn how to best do this online, in ways that make everyone comfortable.
Speaking of weird: the above screenshots where I was being all creepy were staged.
Just wanted to clear that up.
He loves technology, people, and nature, not necessarily in that order.
you could follow Justin:@jhpot.
You don’t have to.
But it’s possible for you to.
