Last week, like many folks in America, I had family in town for the holidays.
Against my better judgement I accepted the assignment and we planned to make a day out of it.
The day was to start at the West Side Market.
The market itself, however, is pretty cool.
It has around 50 vendors selling butchered meats, homemade jams, fresh pasta, and even exotic fruits.
We’ll get to the exotic fruit and my current predicament in a moment.
My step dad hadn’t been there in years and was like a kid in a candy store.
A Slovenian boy from east Cleveland, the guy loves smokies.
I mean he fucking LOVES them.
“Here, have a smokie.
It will change your life!”
He was like the pied piper of heart failure.
The only thing I remember her saying was to break them open and don’t eat the white part.
The white part felt gelatinous and did not look appetizing whatsoever.
Plus, I remembered Aunt Barb telling me not to eat the white part…I think.
Whatever, it’s a fruit what’s the worst that could happen?
I ripped off that fatty layer of pale grossness and grabbed the delicious looking seed.
It closely resembled a large pistachio nut.
Something I am quite fond of.
I threw it in my mouth and chomped it down in no time flat.
Not the most delicious thing I have ever eaten but not the worst either.
Just then my son walks into the kitchen and goes, “Oh cool, Rambutan!
Watch out, they have super poisonous seeds but the fruit is supposed to be amazing.”
I’m sorry, did you say poisonous?!
But how poisonous are we talking here?
No way this puny little monkey ball could be my end, right?
Because no one gave two shits that I apparently just ate poisonous produce.
Damnit, that last one is funny.
Am I really feeling ill from this exotic nut or is this some janky placebo effect?
My fiance keeps telling me I’m being dramatic but how the hell does she know?
These damn things are native to Malaysia and as far as I know she’s never been there.
I’m pretty sure he had business there.
Anyway, here’s hoping I wake up tomorrow.
But if not, I had a good run.
By the way the white meat of the fruit was delicious.
9/10 would have another go minus the death nut.
