Shoutout to my buddy Austin who’s been asking me to write this blog for about a year now.
I’ve also personally spent some time with an Amish family, and have learned some interesting things.
But most importantly, my experience with the Amish have taught me that they’rekind of frauds.
If you’re unfamiliar with the Amish, here’s a quick rundown of what they’re about.
They are closely related to Mennonite churches, a separate Anabaptist denomination.
The Amish value rural life, manual labor, humility and Gelassenheit (submission to God’s will).
Or you might know them better by these pictures.
Or so that’s what they want you to think.
My parents grew up in the town of Berne, Indiana, where there is a thriving Amish community.
They wave every time you pass them.
They fucking love waving.
He’s Amish."
We have to go to an Amish house?
That sounds like the worst thing of all time.
Do they even know were coming?
Were we invited?"
And we said, “What the hell… Can’t we just go home?
It’s rude to just pop in on someone unexpected.”
And my dad said, “Well it’s not like I can call him ahead of time.”
That was pretty good point, so we just shut up and went to Morton’s house.
When we got there, it was as awkward as you’d expect.
I specifically remember 2 things about the visit.
They made some delicious candy.
It was chocolate covered pretzels, fudge, caramels, and a few other random treats.
Morton had over 10 kids.
One of them was an adult woman, and she had a mental disability.
I forget her name, but it was his oldest daughter.
Which even as an 11 year old I thought was insensitive.
From what I can remember about Morton’s family, they were good Amish.
They had a shit load of farm animals.
The whole house smelled like manure.
They were on the up and up.
But I’ve come to learn that some Amish are frauds.
Here are a couple of Amish frauds right here.
Is any physical representation of yourself, whether a painting or film, not promoting individualism and vanity?
Does this photo not condemn you to an eternity in hell?
Another thing that these frauds have taken a liking to is using public transportation.
The use of cars is strictly prohibited by Amish law.
But as the world evolves around them, they’ve started bending the rules.
It’s a practice called “Haulin' Amish”.
Which also sounds insensitive, but it’s very much a thing.
LANCASTER Some people truck chickens down the road or move milk from state to state.
Others lug fresh-cut lumber around.
The Cisney family makes a living hauling Amish.
I have to take a young couple to pick out a wedding gift.
He told me that the Amish kids had Gameboys.
Sure, they weren’t Gameboy Colors.
Apparently a color screen is too much of a modern convenience.
But as long as Super Mario is outlined in black on a dingy green screen then god allows it?
Kind of shady Amish.
Also, that same cousin used to be babysat by an Amish woman.
And I remember being over there when she was around.
She’d sit there watching Judge Judy the whole time.
Obviously, I don’t actually give a shit what they do with their lives.
They should do whatever makes them happy.
But their rules have always made me laugh.
They’re not allowed to have modern conveniences, except… well… That’s ok."
The Amish are a strange people.
One more fun fact.
Which is obviously wrong, because Rumspringa is well documented, but I always found that strange.
Apparently it’s not a thing in all Amish communities.
Just watch out for the Amish.
They’re not all that they seem.
