I’m starting off behind the 8-ball, as my teammates are Nick & KB.
That’s going to be difficult.
But hopefully this very pointless + informative blog about Illinois will gain me a few promotion points.
But if I expand it to the entire state of Illinois, then I can make more jokes.
144 years later in 2007, the University of Illinois retired controversial Native American mascot, Chief Illiniwek.
Meaning- Illinois means, “Men & Warriors”.
Nothing in the name about women.
So maybe they’re not as progressive as I originally thought.
But when they named the state it was a different time.
Women weren’t as important back then.
I’m not going to hold that against the the state of Illinois.
Farmland- 3/4 of the state of Illinois is farmland.
I think it has something to do with them needing light in the morning to farm or something?
But just start your day earlier.
Nickname- It’s nickname is The Prairie State.
You know, like when a prairie dog sticks it’s head in and out of the ground.
Chicago- Future home of 50% (the sports half) of Barstool Sports.
The sports will be moving to Chicago, and the comedy will remain in New York.
Aurora- Aurora, Illinois claims to be “The City of Lights”.
They go toe-to-toe with Paris, France.
Hard to say which city is cooler.
Other Cities- Most people don’t realize that Illinois basically has 3 major cities.
St. Louis is directly on the border of Illinois, and Milwaukee is also pretty close.
Gary, Indiana is also basically in Illinois.
Gary isn’t a major city, but it is home of the Jackson 5.
I think it used to be a decent city, but it’s really sad now.
Every time I go to Chicago I drive through Gary and it’s super depressing.
A lot of good & bad things happened in that house (Joe Jackson).
Kanye West’s Music- Kanye West’s music is from Chicago.
It’s great music.
His music is my favorite music of all the music.
I can’t stress enough how great the music he makes is.
Midwest Tungsten Service- The Midwest Tungsten Service is located in Willowbrook, Illinois.
Tungsten is the heaviest metal on the periodic table of elements.
But Midwest Tungsten Service does not actually mine the tungsten in Illinois.
There is no more Tungsten to be mined in North America.
McDonald’s- Illinois is home of the very first McDonald’s.
McDonald’s pricing is getting out of control.
A McChicken at the McDonald’s in Jersey City costs over $3.
If you want enough McDonald’s to fill you up nowadays, you oughta spend over $10.
John Wayne Gacy- Serial killer born in Chicago, Illinois.
He was a serial killer of the clown variety, as opposed to the hot kind of serial killer.
Imagine following a clown back to his home.
They don’t offer any further explanation.
I bet they couldn’t quite come up with 50 facts and just threw in that at the end.
I feel like I saw a lot of personalized plates.
Fuck it, make that our last fact.
I’m gonna go home and jerk off."
University of Illinois- Seems like I should talk about the actual university a little bit.
Notable University of Illinois Alumni
- Hugh Hefner(Inventor of porn.
I thought he was for a minute, but then I remembered that was Richard Gere.
Pretty sure someone at Barstool asked him to be on a show and he asked for money.
Beat Ohio State that one time)
Alright, well that’s some quality Illinois promotion from me.
Great day of work, John.
You’re welcome, Dave.
