I was amazed, no, pissed, at how many Slugstake up residence in the fast lane.
The only drivers worse thanSlugsare"Sloths".
They drive like they’re double-dosing Xanax.
I don’t fuck with them, they’re scary and too unpredictable.
I don’t need anyRoad Zombiesfollowing me home…
I’m always up for confrontations when I’m behind the wheel.
They text and drive, and I just want to take away their keys and put ‘em in timeout.
I call them"Road Zits".
And what’s with the slip-on, oversized exhaust tips kids are putting on their little cars?
All of a sudden, this noise approaches, and it sounds like a swarm of killer bees.
But out on 95, the"Killer Bees"are using them to terrorize other vehicles.
I don’t fuck with women who are behind the wheels ofRangeRovers.
As soon as I realized what fuck he was doing, I had to make a split-second decision.
Should I hit the brakes or punch it?
If I’m really pissed, I’ll do thedouble flip.
“And I’m a proud member of that group… Horn-blowing is a knee-jerk reaction, and it comes quickly.
I do the same for yellow.
But there are people so afraid of intersections they’re always preparing to stop.
I hate the ones who slow down for green and come to a full stop for yellow.
I call people who areascaredof traffic lights"Light Woosies.”
And there are lots of potholes and sunken manhole covers to be avoided, which makes it even trickier.
You gotta respect ‘em for that…
The group I’m most intimidated by is the"Body Bags.
“Their vehicles are all fucked up.
One more scrape isn’t gonna ruin their day like it’ll ruin yours.
Drive safely, my friends!
See you out on the open fucking road…
