As they say, nobody defeats Father Time.
At some point, we all become washed.
Not the wearing of jean shorts, that’s whatever.
But playing basketball in jean shorts?
That just seems so uncomfortable I don’t know how anyone could do it.
But then I got to thinking.
It could be a weekday, weekend, it doesn’t matter.
My body’s internal clock is a real motherfucker.
There’s no stopping my body from waking up every single goddamn day at 6-6:15am.
I always wondered growing up why the hell my Dad kept being up so early and now I know.
Once you’re washed up, sleeping late is just something that no longer happens.
When you’re in your 20s, you learn how to deal with living like an absolute asshole.
You put off laundry until you’re literally out of clothes.
You don’t clean shit in your house/apartment until things get way too out of control.
Ha, you never loaded it in the first place.
Not only do I not hate doing house chores, I sneaky look forward to them.
Unload the dishwasher, clean the kitchen counters, maybe start the laundry, start cleaning the floors etc.
I find these things to be extremely therapeutic which is something I definitely did not see coming.
The same goes for yardwork too if you have to deal with that also.
If enjoying chores isn’t a sign you’re extremely washed, what the hell is?
No longer caring about missing out on shit
This has been by far the biggest change since becoming washed.
You didn’t want to miss out on anything.
I couldn’t imagine waiting in some sort of huge line to get into anything at this point.
I can’t remember the last time I had FOMO or anything like that.
Now obviously this is different for everyone.
If you’re single, you have to do shit like that.
That seems so much more enjoyable to my extremely washed brain.
Enjoying Cooking
Now this one is a little tricky.
Learning to cook is something you should definitely do in your 20s.
So what do I mean by this?
I care more about my 3 year old sourdough starter than I probably should.
I just made some homemade pop tarts this weekend that blew my dick right off my body.
I’ve spent way too much time experimenting with pizza dough formulas for homemade pizza.
Sometimes I’m Team Cast Iron, sometimes I’m Team Pizza Stone.
The fact that I even debate between the two tells me just how washed I am.
The second I get fed one of those pizza Ooni ads I try and justify the cost for days.
Who am I trying to impress?
I’m a simple guy for the most part.
Give me a few good pairs of jeans and a solid color tshirt and I’m good to go.
$3.95 a gallon?
I actually get bummed out a little bit when it’s only 10 cents off.
You find yourself with enough rewards points for 30 cents…man that’s living.
It’s also extremely washed.
Random body aches
This one really fucked me up as I got older.
It’s way easier to just complain about it on Twitter and do nothing.
Just set it and forget it in terms of a direct deposit or something.
Time is without a doubt the biggest advantage you have.
For example, I was under the impression that stocks only go up.
I feel like I’m doing things right but honestly who the hell knows?
But that was young me.
Washed me looks basically every day at the weather.
What the hell is that about?
It’s going to be what it’s going to be.
I’m working from home so I don’t have a commute that I need to worry about.
Even still, I need to know how things are looking for the week.
It’s something that just sort of happened, but now I look literally every day.
Sometimes even by the hour if I’m feeling dangerous.
I could keep going, but you get the idea.
What are they for you?
