I admittedly haven’t been paying extra close attention to Jamie Foxx’s health situation.
Signs seemed to be point to a stroke, but even that has not been confirmed.
Mike Tyson seemed to think that way.
And most articles regarding his hospitalization all go something like this.
Mid-Day- Hollywood actor Jamie Foxx is apparently beating the odds to survive his recent medical emergency.
The 55-year-old actor reportedly had to be revived by doctors, but their immediate actions luckily saved his life.
“He’s very lucky he got the treatment he did.”
Regardless of what happened, that’s scary as hell.
It really sounds like we almost lost him there for a minute.
However, there was some positive news on Sunday.
Jamie Foxx was spotted out and about on a boat, seemingly in good spirits.
At least he gave a good-spirited wave/fist pump to the camera.
And spending a day yachting on the scenic Chicago River seems like a delightful post-almost-death activity.
But I imagine just about any post-almost death activity would be pretty fucking nice.
Here’s a quick speed rankings of the best things to do after a near death experience.
SkydivingI’ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Attending a Live ConcertSome of my fondest memories are of live concerts.
Even the one’s I’ve attended sober.
Even music genres you don’t typically listen to are enjoyable when heard live.
Unless it’s some bang out of polka music, or anything that’s too accordion heavy.
Attending a Live Sporting EventA nice safe, simple activity that is guaranteed to be a good time.
Just sit back, relax, and watch the best athletes in the world go to work.
I’m not really sure why that is, but people always say shit like that.
HeroinA less safe, yet still fairly simple activity.
By the 3rd or 4th time you’rereallygonna love it.
Sex With a Beautiful WomanSeems like a fairly obvious answer.
Everybody loves a good roll in the hay.
I’ve never understood why “roll in the hay” is a euphemism for sex.
Hay has to be one of the worst possible surfaces to fuck on.
Have you ever tried to bale hay in short sleeves?
It’s a nightmare.
Cuts the shit out of your arms.
If you’re having sex with a beautiful woman, just do it in a bed.
Sex With a Beautiful ManWe’re sex positive here at Barstool Sports.
It would be wrong for me exclude any of our female or gay readers.
Same rules about hay apply.
Unlike Heroin, I don’t know what an orgy with 10 smoking hot Las Vegas prostitutes feels like.
But if I had to guess I would bet it feels “good”.
At least I would think so.
We wore helmets and hockey gloves, but it still hurt like hell.
I’m pretty certain it gave me a concussion.
There’s something incredibly therapeutic about throwing hands with zero restraint at another human being.
But if you’re really all better, cocaine could be a fun time.
You just need to ensure you have enough of it to do throughout the day.
You don’t want just one line.
You’ll end up feeling like shit 30 minutes later.
But if you space it out appropriately it makes for a real swell evening.
CrackIf cocaine doesn’t sound like enough of a thrill for you, might I recommend crack rock.
Imagine if you would have died without knowing what a crack high feels like.
Any drug strong enough to fully ruin lives on a daily basis must be fucking awesome.
Specifically, you should go to Cedar Point: America’s Rockin' Roller Coast.
My favorite ride is The Maverick.
But hindsight is 20/20.
That must be the best feeling of relief of all time.
That alone might make the trip worth it.
That’s so mean to do to the families.
I’ll stop there.
I could go on listing hard drugs forever, but you get the point.
One of the greatest albums of all-time.
