I don’t mean to overstep Barstool Sports Senor Draft Analyst, Steven Cheah.
But I just readhis final mock draft, and I didn’t like it.
I thought it was bad.
This mock draft is better, and it includes trades.
This is the Official Barstool Sports Mock Draft.
He has the highest vertical leap in the history of NFL QB’s.
Time will tell if a grounded QB can still be effective in the new-look NFL.
Indianapolis Colts - Sanghyeok Woo - South Korea (QB)C.J.
Anthony Richardson’s combine performance has changed the way the league looks at QB’s.
The Colts draft Sanghyeok Woo of South Korea, the High Jump Champion of The World.
Expect the Colts to implement a jump-centric offense moving forward.
‘Hahaha Anthony Richardson jumps high so were all going to draft high jumpers’.
Do I got that right?
Fuck it then, I can be silly too.
We’re drafting Bernie the Red Kangaroo.
He lives at the St. Louis Zoo and he can jump 6 feet in the air.
Isn’t that hilarious?"
Tennessee Titans - C.J.
But when Stroud is called to the stage, he is nowhere to be found.
Turns out he’s still at the hotel.
The Atlanta Falcons have already fired their GM for drafting a kangaroo.
But confusion swirls as C.J.
Stroud tweets out, “Horns Up!”
immediately following the Texans pick.
What does that mean?
Does he think ‘Horns Up’ is a Texans thing?
Does that mean he thinks he was drafted by the Texans?
Does he think he’s Zay Flowers?
Maybe the S2 test is right.
His name is Bhola Nath Banstola.
He’s a real shaman.
you might tell he’s a real Shaman because he has a website.
All good Shamans have websites.
Aaron Rodgers is thrilled with the selection.
When asked if Carter’s situation phased him, Belichick says, “Absolutely not.
This is the National Football League, not the No Fun League.”
I now have a Shaman and the Hot Pastor on the sidelines.
That’s two different religions, which means I have 2 gods on my side."
Pittsburgh Steelers - Jordan Addison - USC (WR)After the 17th pick is announced, C.J.
Stroud crashes a school bus into the side of the stage.
Somehow he stole a school bus.
Stroud calmly exits the bus and walks across stage.
He takes the Steelers hat off of Jordan Addison’s head and puts it on his own.
Detroit Lions - Calijah Klancey - Pittsburgh (DT)Despite C.J.
Stroud refusing to leave the partially destroyed (but still functional) stage, Goodell proceeds with the draft.
Seattle Seahawks - Nolan Smith - Georgia (DE)They’re finally able to lure C.J.
Stroud off stage using a laser pointer.
We think he deserves a shot."
Baltimore Ravens - Dalton Kincaid - Utah (TE)Underwhelming reaction from the crowd.
They almost seem annoyed that the Ravens drafted a real player.
Minnesota Vikings - Peter Skoronski - Northwestern (OT)A portion of the audience gets up and leaves.
5 of the last 6 picks have been real players, and they’re starting to get bored.
Can’t we just have him stand still in the endzone and lob the ball up to him?
I know it sounds ridiculous, but like…
I actually think that might work.
Why wouldn’t it?
With his arms up he’s like 11 feet tall.
He’s not about to miss out on this opportunity.
“BOOOO!!!!
BOOOOO!!!!!
HISS!!!!
HISS!!!!
“, they yell as they fire full beers at Devon Witherspoon’s head.
They were hoping the Bills would draft a cartoon character, or an inanimate object of some sort.
Mrs. Furbush did such a great job back stage with C.J.
New Orleans Saints - Bronny James - Sierra Canyon (WR)The Saints compromise and select Bronny James.
Maybe his son Bronny can do the same.
Philadelphia Eagles - Trey Palmer - Nebraska (WR)The Eagles draft a shitty receiver.
I will be on for the Colts pick.
