Things to consider as I suffer for my art.
But there’s no need for well-being checks here.
I moved way beyond agonizing over this team.
I started steering into the skid of the 2023 Patriots weeks ago.
Now they’ve become something much bigger than just a football team with an astonishingly bad offense.
They’re that thing you enjoy ironically.
You consume they’re content just to see how bad it can get.
And you’d be disappointed if they actually produced anything worthwhile.
They’re the pro sports' version of a movie with a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.
They’reTheStar Wars Holiday Special.
The difference being that this enterprising young man was intentionally as badly as he could.
But that ship sailed a couple of dozen 3 & outs ago.
I bought a book on the 2017 Patriots passing schemes and would read it on the beach.
And all that time invested would’ve been better spent brushing up on the1920-29 Dayton Triangles.
That’s on me.
Even withmy toes in the water and my ass in the sand, I was being a Try Hard.
It’s a mistake I won’t repeat.
–To my credit though, one mistake I’m no longer making is hoping for results.
I’ve quit burning the calories required to believe O’Brien’s offense is capable of making a big play.
And also a lot of dropped passes.
–What really disturbs me though, is I’m 99% sure I washopingThornton would drop that one.
It’s possible I was thinking about their draft position.
But I think it was more immediate than that.
It was more like how when you’re watching a guy pitch a No-Hitter, you root for history.
Even if it’s your own team getting skunked, you find yourself hoping for outs.
This is what the 2023 season has done to me.
And I got my wish.
Hang onto those ticket stubs!
–As far as Zappe goes, what can anyone say?
That he was better than Mac Jones has been?
Because you’re about to be on the receiving end of a Skinny Girl cocktail facial.
Just finishing the game made Zappe better than Jones.
I’m not teaching at Harvard, here.
He had five completions on 12 attempts for 39 yards in the 1st half.
Of those five, three were at or behind the line of scrimmage.
Another was for 2 air yards, and the longest traveled 8.
Even on checkdowns and shallow crosses, there were too many misses.
Too many throws behind his target.
–Which by no means lets the Patriots coaches off the hook.
Khalil Mack is a mismatch to most OTs.
The great Patriots 3rd down backs like James White or Kevin Faulk earned their incentive bonuses that way.
–More frustrating still is the fact there is no 3rd down back on the roster.
When Stevenson went down, all they had was Elliot to take 100% of the carries.
This offense was always built with a power back, to be sure.
But it was predicated on elite route runners who are tough and elusive in the backfield.
Now it has redundant parts carrying and catching the ball and no third alternative.
This game would’ve been the perfect situation for the heir apparent to James White.
But they’ve never bothered to find one.
–O’Brien went almost exclusively to 11-personnel, with Parker, Thornton and Juju Smith-Schuster on the outside.
Parker was good for just 4 catches on 9 targets and 64 yards.
The other two combined for one catch on 2 targets and 11 yards.
Which was a sit route up the seam by Smith-Schuster on the second possession.
Play to the whistle used to be a thing around here.
–I hate that it’s taken me this long to get to the Patriots defense.
But I say again, this is what 2023 had done to me.
This time, coming against the 10th highest scoring offense in the league.
JC Jackson mostly drew the Quentin Johnston assignment, and was less successful.
In fact, he was one bad drop by Johnston away from us having a very different conversation.
Jalen Mills was handed the dossier of tight end Gerald Everett.
Typically the bigger bodies have gone to Jones, Jabrill Peppers or Kyle Dugger.
The big bodies up front more or less dominated the line of scrimmage.
That 71 yard punt drew a yellow highligher through the fact he’s our MVP.
–This Week’s Applicable Movie Quote: “Look at you.
You used to be so cocky.
You were going to go out and conquer the world.
… What are you but a warped, frustrated young man?
A miserable little clerk crawling in here on your hands and knees and begging for help.
… You’re worth more dead than alive!”
They’re some of my fondest childhood memories.
Most of the time it was the exact opposite.
I’ve had my issues with the Real Housewives of Foxboro when things were going good with this franchise.
But yesterday you did yourselves proud, yet had nothing to show for it.
