Still packin' them in.
Which turned out to be just an anomaly.
Which he immediately followed up by makingThe Trouble With Girlsand a steady diet of Peanut Butter & Barbiturate sandwiches.
–What’s going to happen to Bill Belichick is a matter for another blog.
A seriesI’ve already started, in fact.
Which shouldn’t take long, since the Pats really gave us nothing to talk about.
–Let’s get this funeral started by focusing on the utter futility on offense.
To the point you’re free to’t even argue weather was a factor.
That’s what this was.
More of the same dreck we’ve been watching all season, but with a lovely backdrop.
–And even if you want to factor in the conditions, that’s not an excuse.
It’s an indictment.
The Patriots of the 2000s and 2010s were like the Soviets' Siberian Divisions.
So he shipped them by rail all across Asia until they got to Stalingrad.
Which to them, was like a day at a Tubing Park with the kids.
Fresh, fully equipped for the weather, and starving for some action.
One of my favorite bar bets is to ask how many passing yards Tom Brady had in that blizzard.
The guess is usually between 120 and 150 or thereabouts.
The correct answer is 312.
There’s no better example than the freak October storm in 2009.
“Mischief Managed.”
Whereas this current edition solemnly swore they were up to no good, and backed it up.
With -7 yards in the 1st half.
–They played like Bambi the first time he stepped onto a frozen pond.
Which is what you could always count on other teams to do when they landed in Foxboro.
This is their native environment.
They’re supposed to thrive in these elements.
So that is no explanation for their abysmal failure.
What explains it perfectly is the roster they took to the field with.
But program that lineup into your Madden simulator and tell me how many wins it produces.
He was the QB2 ahead of Mac Jones.
This again deserves a blog of its own.
Because clearly Belichick has no use for McCorkle.
And made a conscious decision that if he’s going down, he’s taking Jones down with him.
Stay tuned on that.
Desperate times call for ridiculous measures?
A double reverse from Elliot to Reagor:
–That was the Patriots second longest play of the day.
Then off of it, O’Brien ran a similar look that ended up as a Flea Flicker.
Just that poorly designed, poorly executed plays are what happen to poorly constructed teams of poor quality.
That’s the definition of your 2023 Patriots.
Good job of tracking the ball.
Enough to tempt you into thinking he might have a future with this team.
But that’s hardly an exclusive group on this team.
He’s a max-effort guy blocking on running plays and screens.
And he was drafted ahead of Justin Jefferson for some reason.
But as a depth guy with high upside, he could be a keeper.
–Once again you have to feel for the Patriots defense.
You don’t HAVE to.
As long as this is still America, you feel what you want.
Still, it was alarming to see Breece Hall successfully run on them the way he did.
They finished the season with the lowest Yards Per Attempt average in the league at just 3.3.
But Hall ground them down with an astonishing 37 carries for 178 and 4.81 YPA.
Mostly in 3- to 5-yard Fun Size bars.
But enough of them that eventually the run defense wore down and cracked.
Highlighted by this run to the boundary side out of 22-personnel.
Mehki Becton set the edge on Keion White.
Twice in a row we had passes inside the 5 broken up by Alex Austin.
Though that was a team high.
Is it an Irish jig?
I might actually just be conflating it with John Candy playing a giant leprechaun.
He finished with 10 tackles, 2 tackles for loss and a QB hit.
First Jennings snuffed a screen pass to Hall, holding it to 1-yard.
Then held his edge to bring down Hall for 1-yard on a 1st down.
Then got into the backfield to chase Hall down from behind.
But a fire zone blitz led to a throwaway and held the Jets to a field goal.
In all, Jennings had 7 tackles, 3 TFLs and a QB hit.
He’ll be a huge asset going forward.
And Brown is cast as more of a third tackle than route-running tight end.
They can drink from my canteen any time.
–This Week’s Applicable Movie Quote: “Where is the horse and the rider?
Where is the horn that was blowing?
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like wind in the meadow.
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.
How did it come to this?”
This season has sapped the KJR life out of me.
Seriously, I think it’s been bad for my emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
So thanks for that.
I hope I never ran out of ways to express how painful this has been on all of us.
Here’s to the promise of better things starting in September.
–Finally, here’s wishing the best to ever do his job a fond farewell.
