I’m just gonna come out and say it.
Because I already said it to the world once today at 5:39 AM EST.
I had a wet dream this morning.
There was nothing special about it.
Nothing special about it to me at least.
I can’t explain to you why, it’s just always been that way.
Next thing I know, I wake up coming.
Another style of wet dream I have is the one I had this morning.
It’s an anxiety based wet dream.
It often revolves around hockey.
I go into panic mode.
Then I start to panic.
I want to play puck with the boys so bad that I start freaking out.
I’d say I’ve had a version of that dream 5 times in my life.
But god forbid I talk about it online.
God forbid I talk about cumming on the internet before the rooster crows.
Is that the line here at Barstool Sports?
Wet Dreams are taking it too far?
We literally launched Call Her Daddy, the most over-the-top sexually explicit podcast the world has ever known.
Francis could fill a book with the sexually aggressive blogs he’s written about Frankie Borelli alone.
Out & About is a podcast hosted by two literal gay men.
Our entire company is made up of sickos.
I’m sorry, Kevin.
I’m sorry, Feitelberg.
I didn’t know wet dreams were a bridge too far for you.
I’ve been listening to KFC Radio for years.
I’ve heard you guys discuss some of the raunchiest topics I’ve ever heard.
There was a time you had an actual porn star as a co-host.
Then The Yak has to make a big ol' fuss about it as well… Nick once brought in one of his friends so you could all take turns looking at his giant testicle.
How am I being shamed for this?!
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
I barely even thought about this wet dream tweet.
Just a little something about myself that I thought people might relate to.
A conversation starter if you will.
And that’s exactly what I did.
I started a conversation.
Now I’m made to feel like a deviant online.
I believe it was Uncle Chaps who once said we don’t shame people for cumming weird.
Well that rule has apparently been thrown out the window.
I’m being shamed for it left and right.
That I will not be apologizing for.
And in my defense, it sounds like many people have had similar dreams.
But I know there are people out there who’ve experienced something like this.
There has to be.
I can’t be the only one who has anxiety wet dreams.
There is no way I have that special of a penis.
I’m a red-blooded American like everyone else.
There must be thousands of us out there.
Are they all just scared to show their face?
Do these people have some sort of qualm about letting the world know exactly when and why they came?
I couldn’t tell you.
But I’m confident that I’m not alone.
And shame on my co-workers for shaming me.
This is the content business baby, and sex sells.
If only Alex Cooper were still here.
I know she wouldn’t stand for this.
