Fun fact: The Summer Olympics are just over 2 months away.
I just never see the Olympics coming.
I treat the Summer Olympics (especially events like water polo) as a nice little biennial treat.
“Aww look it’s Chinese Badminton extraordinaire Biewen Zhang.
She’s cute as a button.
Such grace in her movements.
Time to do anything else.
I’ll be back in a couple hours to watch some Dutch guys row a canoe.”
Flavor Flav has taken it upon himself to bring Women’s Water Polo to the masses.
I love what Mr. Flav is doing here.
It’s really something we should be doing this with Olympic athletes and teams across the board.
All Olympic events should be assigned at least one celebrity.
We still have a couple of months until the Olypmics.
There’s still plenty of time to make it happen.
That will motivate our handballers to prove the world wrong.
But I’m pretty sure weightlifters are firmly third on his list.
Either way, he’ll get Team USA in tip top shape.
He’ll have them all waking up at 3am for Instagram workouts.
The supplements will almost certainly result in the entire team testing positive for banned substances.
But up until that point, it would be a match made in heaven.
The Vietnamese wouldn’t stand a chance.
Katt Williams - Rowing
An obvious choice if you ask me.
For one, Katt Williams is hysterical.
Those guys could use some comedic relief to loosen them up.
Better yet, Katt Williams is wee enough that he can actually be a member of the team.
Just picture Katt sitting at the front of the boat.
Cruising through the waters at 20 mph with perfectly still hair.
Leading a crew of rich white trust-fund kids to Olympic gold.
It would be incredible.
But I can’t think of a better celebrity to pair with a team of shooters than Suge.
Technically, Suge Knight is in prison for killing someone with his vehicle.
But the man knows his way around a gun.
Our Olympians would respect his experience in the field of shooting.
Technically, he practices the art of aikido, but that’s close enough.
To 99% of Americans Aikido is the same thing.
Canoe - Jeff Probst
Fun fact: Canoe and Rowing are actually different events.
He’ll have no problem insulting and berating our Olympians into giving their best performance.
“TANNER IS ROWING LIKE A WOMAN RIGHT NOW!!!
ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY TO A PICNIC OR THE FINISH LINE!?!!
YOU HAVE TO WANT IT MORE THAN THAT!!!
THIS ISSURVIVORTHE OLYMPICS!!!!
THERE’SA MILLION DOLLARS$37,500 ON THE LINE!!!!
!
