I saw one of our competitors post a blog like this.
The title was something along the lines of, “Every fantasy football league has these 5 guys”.
Fantasy football leagues should have at minimum 8 teams.
The ideal number is 12.
So here are the12 Guys in Every Fantasy Football League
P.S.
It got away from me.
The Commissioner- Your friend Zach who is in charge of everything.
The league wouldn’t exist without him.
He organizes the draft, approves trades, collects the league dues, etc.
He loves using excel spreadsheets.
After he starts out 1-4, he stops caring.
For most of the season he will be a free win for everybody who plays him.
The person he beats will say, “Bro… everybody else got a free win against you.
You put up 27 points against Tony last week.
Now you’re gonna hang 140?
I’m literally 1 game behind him in the standings.
That is such bullshit.”
Then the guy is like, “Bitch, I paid my league dues.
I can do whatever I want.
Tell Zach to not invite me to play next year.
You think I give a fuck if I’m kicked out of the league?
I have better shit to do anyways.
And he’ll say, “Yeah for sure.
I promise I’ll take it seriously this year.”
Everyone else is like, “Yes dude, that happens to all of us every week.
Your team isn’t special.
One day he was just there.
But in your mind you think, “Ok, does nobody realize that this dude sucks?
Are you all just afraid to admit it because you think it’d be homophobic?
You know it’s actually more homophobic to give him preferential treatment because he’s gay.
If I acted this way you guys would hate me for it.”
But after a few years Kevin sort of grows on you.
“Why are Cardinals +175, and the Rams are -10?
That doesn’t make any sense.”
Things of that nature.
It was mind blowing.
The Racist- Drafts a disproportionate amount of white players and uses slurs.
Insists that Cooper Kupp is the best receiver in the NFL.
Nobody really thinks about him much at all.
He’ll put a solid team together for the most part.
Sometimes he makes a deep playoff run, but other times he’ll get screwed by injuries.
The Hot Stacked Woman- The smoking hot girl with massive cans who loves hanging with the boys.
Everybody is in love with her, but she’s very much not interested in any of you.
Although in reality, do you really want to date a girl like that?
A Cowboys fan who screams at the TV and shotguns Miller Lites in her Dak Prescott jersey every Sunday?
The Orphan- That guy with no parents who never shuts up about it.
Like we get it dude, nobody wanted you as a kid.
He thinks being an orphan gives him a better perspective on life for some reason.
or “Defense wins championships”.
The Pedophile- nvm
The Severe Alcoholic- He has a major drinking problem.
It’s not like it’s the elephant in the room either.
Everybody talks about it all the time.
You say it to his face.
He just doesn’t care.
His liver is in shambles and there’s no chance he makes it passed 50. you’ve got the option to’t be buying a 4pm Sunday bag over the age of 30.
You’ve considered attending an Al-Anon meeting.
But he’s a fun time and still manages to put a solid team together every year.
The guy knows ball.
Since then he’s always kinda been around.
He’s a friendly, outgoing guy, but he’s got a bit of a weird vibe.
What the hell is he doing?”
So you pull up Instagram.
He’s blocked you from viewing it.
So you watch the story on your girlfriend’s phone.
The caption says something like “The party just started!
Girls are arriving!”
Then the storycuts(not pans) to a group of hot young women dancing together.
It looks like he screen recorded some random chicks video, then edited it into his story.
Then the story cuts back him DJ’ing.
I can’t believe I met her!
I don’t know what I would do without her!”
Then back to a selfie of Pablo.
Then back to girls.
This has been happening nearly every day for half a year.
He is very clearly not with these women.
You’ve texted all of your friends about it, and they’re all blocked from his stories too.
Nobody can see the stories except your girlfriend, who he apparently doesn’t realize is following him.
Why is he doing this?
He is 100% faking a girlfriend to try and impress somebody.
They’re wildly over edited.
They all feature tons of weird lights and techno music in the background.
It’s sad really.
You all want to confront him on it so bad, but it’s too awkward.
And he’s not really around much anymore so it’s probably not worth it.
But like… you have to know.
What the fuck is going on with Pablo?
He always finishes in the bottom half of the league.
