Welcome back to another episode of Blog Wheel.
It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these.
I kinda quit doing them considering they get a shockingly low amount of clicks.
But I’m trying to move away from only writing clickbaity blogs.
I’m just now realizing I didn’t necessarily include a step-by-step plan in this blog.
I kinda forgot that was part of the topic.
But I’m already pushing 2000 words on this bitch, so I’m rolling with what I got.
A lot of people don’t realize that the clearance rate on bank robberies is right around 60%.
But 60% is close enough to half that my point stands either way.
Nearly half of bank robberies are successful.
That’s WAY more than people want to think.
Turns out it may not be that difficult to rob a bank.
I like to think I have a little bit of experience in the world of bank robbing.
I’ve never done any bank robbing myself, but I have spent time around someone who has.
Back when I lived in Columbus, Ohio, I dated a girl for a year or so.
Her family was wild.
A lot of colorful characters.
She was couple years younger than me, and she had a brother who was my age.
By the time we started dating he was already out of prison.
Obviously, I’d never been around a fucking bank robber before.
The family treated it like one big hilarious joke.
“LMAO what an idiot?!
HAHAHA what a silly goose.
Our family is so fun and quirky.”
That was literally the vibe.
I don’t mean to come off as judgmental (although that’s exactly what I’m doing).
But in their defense, the kid barely got a year in prison.
I think he was sentenced to 18 months and got out early for good behavior.
So fuck it.. maybe it’s not that big of a deal.
That’s not a terrible proposition.
Should we all make a run at rob a bank at least once in our lives?
It almost seems worth it.
Especially if nearly half the time you get away with it?
Either way, I’ll never actually have the balls, or be down bad enough to do it.
First choise isWallo.It’s not a secret to anyone that Wallo spent 20 years behind bars.
I need a man who’s been around the block.
Wallo is a felon.
A hardened criminal if you will.
For one, you need a guy who knows what prison is like.
Especially considering all he’s got going for him.
Million Dollars (USD) Worth of Game is sitting pretty.
Maybe I can get Wallo to dial back the clock 30 years for me one-time.
Wallo will be driving the getaway car.
The getaway driver is arguably the most important person in the whole robbery.
I’ll still be the front man/head of the operation (i.e.
I’m having a tougher time with my second choice.
It would instantly become their robbery.
This is my robbery.
I thought about going with Rear Admiral, considering I think he watches The Town before bed every evening.
But in the end we’re robbing a small town bank.
If we were performing a Fenway Park, or any Boston related heist, then it would be different.
But in the end, I need somebody smart.
Which is why I have to go withFrancis.
I also feel as if Francis could be manipulated through competition.
Me:“Well I need someone smart enough to create and detonate a bomb…
I don’t think Francis would be good at bombs.”
Francis:“What do you mean I’m not good at bombs?
I was captain of the bomb squad at Harvard.”
Something along those lines.
That’s why his hair is always so small.
I won’t have to worry about him hassling me for his portion of the lick.
My final selection is a no brainer.
I’ll be going withFrank The Tank.
Additionally, I need someone I can trust to keep their mouth shut.
Once Frank is caught, I’m certain that he’ll take my secret to the grave.
Frank is built to do hard time.
He would thrive in federal prison.
I’ll be sure to take care of him financially and keep his commissary full.
I’m sure he’ll enjoy his daily walks around the prison yard and cell block.
His fellow prisoners will be the perfect captive audience for his rants.
Plus he’s a natural born leader.
Give Frank a month in Rikers and he’ll be running the joint.
He’ll have Latin Kings massaging his bunions and bringing him personal sodas in no time.
Frank is currently on pace to be a svelte 185 pounds of muscle by this time next year.
At this rate not sure how much longer outrunning Frank will be a possibility.
So that’s the squad.Wallo, Francis, Frank The Tank, myself.
Frankly (no pun intended) I think we’ll get away with it easily.
Obviously we’ll be wearing President bank robber masks.
