The devil went down to Silicon Valley; he was looking for a soul to steal.
But he ended up taking a consulting gig with Palantir instead.
In the meantime, the algorithms in charge of punishing the wicked now.
Which kind of sounds like what its like to read tech news back here on Earth anyway.
Number one: This article was written by an AI.
It’s free, every week, in your inbox.
These articles usually involve a text generator such as OpenAIs GPT-3.
The journalist will ask something silly like can AI ever truly think like a human?
and then GPT-3 will use that prompt to generate a specific number of outputs.
Then, the journalists and editors go to work.
In hell, you stand in a long line to read hyperbolic, made-up stories about AIs capabilities.
And, as your ultimate punishment, you have to rewrite them for the next person in line.
Number two: AI company raises $100 million for no apparent reason.
I remember reading aboutan early funding roundfor an AI company called PredPol.
It had raised several million dollars to develop an AI system capable of predicting crime before it happens.
Perhaps you didnt read that right.
It says:predicting crime before it happens.
This issomething thats impossible.
And I dont mean technologically impossible, I mean not possible within the realms of classical or quantum physics.
You see crime isnt generated from hotspots like mobs spawning in an MMO every 5 minutes.
Mostly because the past isnt literally prescient.
But, also, its impossible to know how many crimes have actually been committed.Most crimes go unreported.
PredPol cant predict crime.
It predicts arrests based on historical data.
In other words: PredPol tells you where youve already arrested people and then says try there again.
Simply put: it doesnt work because it cant work.
And youre not allowed to skim.
Number three: Facebooks new AI makes everything you hate about Facebook 93.5% better.
Big techs favorite PR company is the mainstream media.
And thats simply not true.
Increasing the efficiency of an algorithm doesnt result in a unilateral increase in overallsystemefficiency.
Number four: Ethics aside, this AI is great!
Weve all read these stories.
They cover the biggest issues in the world of AI as if theyre writing about the weather.
The gist of the piece will be Ethics aside, law enforcement agencies say these products are invaluable.
Experts warn against the use of such technologies until this bias can be solved.
My least favorite AI article is the ones that profess to tell me what non-experts think.
These studies are typically conducted by consultancy companies that specialize in this sort of thing.
And usually theyre not out conducting studies on the speculation that some journalist will find their work appealing.
They get paid to do their research.
These studies are often bought and paid for ahead of time by an AI company as a marketing tool.
They can speak to the challenges of hiring quality IT talent.
Can you spot the rubbish?
But youre never done are you?
What do soccer dads think about gendered voice assistants?
What percentage of people think data is a character on Star Trek?
Will driverless cars be a reality in 2022?
Heres what Tesla owners think.
Yes, AI hell is a place filled with horrors beyond comprehension.
And, just in case you havent figured it out yet,were already here.
This article has been your orientation.
