Be clear: this is no vacation.
The last thing I want right now is to be away from the New York office.
Things are happening here.
The energy is palpable.
Developments are happening at warp speed.
Undeserving high schoolers are receiving promotions and titles like they’re coupons for soup.
Alas, a dear friend is getting married.
I’m a groomsman and I’m speaking.
A key to this is to prepare for the flight.
We depart at 10:30PM from JFK, and it’s 7 hours and 30 minutes to CDG.
As such, I’ve prepared a battle plan for how to take down this flight.
I am no terrorist.
In fact, I spend a lot of time fantasizing about how I would stop a terrorist.
You may only get one chance because unfortunately, terrorists are much less active these days.
But sleep I must.
As you purchase your ticket, you should consultSeat Guru.
This website tells you which seats have limited recline or hampered legroom as a result of a bulkhead.
The goal of this flight is to sleep, so being near the galley kitchen or the bathroom sucks.
The flight attendants shut the metal drawers in there so violently and loudly that it feels petulant.
Choose a quiet seat!
check that to hit it hard on the day of the flight.
- No meal on the flight.
Eschew a meal on the plane (unless you’re taking off at dinner time).
As fun as it is to be served a meal, it’s bedtime.
They won’t even bring the food out until probably an hour into the flight.
Do you really need to eat beef at midnight, like a wolf?
Eat before the flight, at the airport or at home.
Go ahead and eat big too.
“The more calories you inhale, the deeper you’ll sleep.”
- Don’t drink.
This one is controversial.
I’m going no booze.
But to each their own.
Take a sleep aid, but beware: wait to take it until the wheels have left the ground.
Now you’re groggy, no closer to your destination, and you’ve wasted your bullets.
- Brush your teeth!
Bring some face towelettes or something too.
Something to freshen yourself up from all that stale air blasting on your cheeks.
- Play an eight-hour ambient noise track.
I prefer heavy rainfall, but box fan is solid too.
I need noise to drown out the coughs, sniffles, and toilet flushing mentioned above.
A persistent brown noise track is the answer.
There are layers to the art of blocking sound.
Time really flies when you’re unconscious.
