I’m making Stadium Reviews this year and starting with the Cactus League.
Simple format with some heavy baseball themes that should trigger some kind of relatable connection.
That said I’m not going to be a complete sell out with the video.
It needs a blog for depth and context.
I can make that commitment.
The basic premise is exactly that.
People like going to stadiums to watch a sport that many consider boring.
People like the smell of the grilled onions and day drinking in the sun.
Others like keeping score and following the action closely.
It was a time doctors played things fast and loose, and people ran right into their advice.
They actually swore by it.
That was before radio.
You had to go to the ballpark to follow a team.
You had to physically commit the time, effort and money to watch consume their play.
Imagine it’s 1906 and you’re training with the boys from Philadelphia to New York in early May.
Yankee Stadium won’t be opened for another 17 years.
40 fuckin thousand strong.
Those fans were probably closer to the Romans than you and me from an entertainment perspective.
And now over 100+ years later, of all the arguing and bullshit and IM RIGHT YOUR WRONG isms.
And that’s the pure joy you get from going to a new stadium.
No other sport or league gets equivalent treatment in this respect.
At least that’s what I’m willing to tell myself as I get into this.
Enough with the sentiment.
My point is that it’s in our bones as sports fans to seek out new baseball stadiums.
I’d like to document some of these places in the process and contribute to the journey.
Today it starts with Sloan Park, home of the Chicago Cubs.
The quant vs qualitative.
you should probably be balanced.
That’s what we get with Location, VIbes, Bathroom, Hot Dog and Intangibles.
you’ve got the option to miss some areas and make up in others.
Same goes with the 5 tools in baseball.
I know that 50 is average, but average is very good.
That’s MLB average.
Most of us POTENTIALLY graded out as complete minor league failures.
So don’t take grading too hard here.
We’re inbetween 20-80 in increments of 5.
You usually see those increments on display the higher you go up the scale.
Experts almost never award an 80.
65 will get you into a Hall of Fame debate.
60 will get you there if you do it for 15+ years and win over the fans.
Most live in the 45-55 range with good days and bad.
That’s a reality.
Enough background for fucksake.
Location at sloan:
We like it a lot guys
Central is good.
It’s the hotels and the young people and bars and restaurants.
Most of the players want to live in the area.
Except the super rich ones.
They live in North Scottsdale with all the other super rich people.
And when you get there, ample parking.
It’s off 2 major highways.
It’s all done to get you in and out quick.
Very very well done and deserving of a60 grade.
There’s so many people at Sloan
That’s 15,000 people at a spring training game.
They absolutely SMASH attendance which is cool everyone shows up.
Like that’s all we could hang our hat on forever.
At least we have Wrigley… We have no choice.
That’s the cost of doing business.
I want relaxation and intimacy.
Sloan misses on that so hard.
But ultimately it’s a new year.
Vibes could be better with less but I can’t complain too hard.
Not horrible lines because it’s too early in the day to be unloading a bunch of sloppy pisses.
One sink for every urinal is a little heavy and I want to see more than 4 stalls.
But there’s a good amount of these bathrooms located throughout the park.
So it’s convenient in steps.
But there’s nothing special that makes me think they’re taking the bathrooms serious.
Clean enough but not the cleanest.
Somebody had a bad pulled pork sandwich pregame and unloaded a bomb when I walked in.
Can’t fault the Cubs for that.
But it happened and I’m talking about it.
The bathroom can play every day.Final Grade 50.
I’ll post the full review to my social.
It’s exporting, or something like that.
Maybe I shouldn’t show you guys though.
I felt like I was eating Tom Ricketts.
Honestly the skin was not a good texture.
The bun was so soft and moist that I want to say the word moist again.
Nightmare dog experience at a high price point.
You’ll get a perfect sense here.
That’s just a repost of the original video but it’s from Tik Tok.
Throw me a bone here guys I’m fuckin trying.
To me, the intangibles are simple and baked a lot into the vibes.
Sloan doesn’t really do anything special.
The dimensions are similar to Wrigley.
The architecture is underwhelming.
It’s engineered backwards from the player experience to maximize their time on site.
From a fan perspective, the Cubs have hit the equilibrium point.
They want us having a good time.
They emphasize that we should be having a good time.
All that is very obvious.
But it’s also obvious this is a big money maker.
Someone calling the shots definitely gets a bonus for the profit margins on the club’s time in Arizona.
That’s my primary takeaway as an aware diehard.
It’s a fine park, but they ignored infrastructure to pump dollars.
There’s lines everywhere.
I’m mortified thinking about the merch line again.
What are we doing guys?
Seriously what are we doing with this line?
I don’t know who to be mad at.
The Cubs for selling fire merch and having a massive fanbase?
The fans for not shopping online?
The fact I can’t conveniently get a nice commemorable pin or souvenir for the family?
Whatever the reason, I don’t like it.
I know we don’t exactly have the best reputation as Cubs fans.
Line people are the first to go in most hypothetical zombie simulations.
That beer is delicious.
I am Sammy Sosa.
$38 after tip & tax.
Anyone still hanging around reading this gets a free jar of peppers this weekend just come and find me.
Anyways, this was my way of saying the Beer Bat saved the day.
But otherwise the intangibles just aren’t there.Final Grade 45.
It’s like a young Matt Stairs.
Think about it like that.
Overall not too shitty.
Maybe most appealing is just how easy they make it for people to get in and out.
Same rule applies to those 81 Wrigley games.
Fuckin nightmare if you’re not in the neighborhood.
Games are back in a couple weeks.
I have more reviews coming and if this works then will be recurring throughout the season.
I think the categories play at almost every level from little league to men’s league.
At this point I think you know I’ll review just about anything.
