Trying to build good habits can often backfire.
Self-help articles extol the power of habits and books on the topic sell by the millions.
Building habits to change behavior the right way can be a wonderful tool to improve your life.
But false notions about what habits are and what they can do can backfire.
The idea of building a habit is very appealing.
The popular notion that tasks can be put on autopilot makes habits sound effortless.
Unfortunately, you cant.
Habits dont work that way.
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Habits are a bang out of learning.
By forming a habit, the brain frees the mind to do other things without deliberation.
As a child, you needed reminding to wash your hands after using the toilet.
We shouldnt attempt to form a habit out of a task that can never become one.
If we do, will be sorely disappointed.
A routine is a sequence of actions regularly followed.
To change a behavior it’s crucial that you understand the difference between a habit and a routine.
Otherwise, its like using the blunt end of a screwdriver to bash in a nail.
Its possible, but youre likely to give up or hurt yourself.
You should have used a hammer instead.
To answer that question we need to start with a more fundamental question, Why do we do anything?
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For years, we thought that Sigmund Freuds pleasure principle is the basis of human motivation.
He promoted the idea that behavior is driven by the desire to seek pleasure and avoid pain.
Behaviorists like B.F. Skinner popularized the notion that reinforcements and punishments drive conditioned behavior.
But, we now know that motivation is not driven by pleasure and pain.
Rather, neurologically speaking, motivation is the desire to escape discomfort.
Its called the homeostatic response.
Our brains get our bodies to do what they want through discomfort.
When were cold, we put on a coat.
When we feel hunger pangs, we eat.
Does feeling warm again or eating food bring pleasure?
But that good feeling comes after were spurred into action by an uncomfortable sensation prompting us to take action.
The same rule applies to psychological discomfort.
When we feel lonely, bored, or uncertain, we act to relieve our emotional disquietude.
We might see a friend to relieve loneliness, or watch a show on television when were bored.
We may look up something online to satisfy our uncertainty all because we seek to escape these uncomfortable sensations.
Tasks like paying bills or doing the laundry annoy us.
They hang over our heads until the pain of not doing them gets to be too much.
Turns out your brain comes built in with just such a magic pixie, its called procrastination.
When we procrastinate, we tell ourselves well avoid the task for later.
Imagine intending to wash your hands and the water suddenly shuts off.
If youre in the habit, not doing the behavior would feel strange, even uncomfortable.
I needed to use the kitchen sink to wash my hands for a week.
I knew the faucet wouldnt work, but I kept attempting to do the behavior with little thought.
A habit feels uncomfortable when we dont do it, exactly the opposite is true of routines.
This is where people get into trouble confusing habits and routines.
How habits are formed
Some self-help books claim habits form by simply providing a reward after a cued behavior.
Unfortunately, we must be scientists attempting to design our own actions.
Offering ourselves extrinsic rewards makes conditioning our own behavior very difficult.
It can be exceedingly hard to resist cheating.
Only then can we take the first step to change our repeated behaviors.
For those actions that can turn into habits, we can begin by making them into routines.
Many people go through their days with aspirations to accomplish a list of tasks.
But without dedicating time on their calendars to do them, they never get everything done.
Welcome discomfort
Its important to expect that learning and repeatedly doing a new behavior requires effort.
Expect discomfort and know that youll have to push through it.
Know that everyone who has ever made a routine out of this behavior has struggled at some point.
If you desire to go to the gym regularly but dislike exercise, find ways to see it differently.
Envision every drop of sweat as a sign your body is getting stronger.
This may seem like a stretch for someone who hates exercise, as I once did.
But its useful to remember that many people have learned to love the very same difficulty you despise.
If they can see it differently, why cant you?
Pre-Commit
Before a behavior can become a habit, it needs to become a regularly performed routine.
But given how effortful routines can be, its far too easy to skip a difficult task.
Thankfully, making a pre-commitment is a fantastic way to ensure you do what you say you will do.
Its important to remember not to try and turn hard-to-do behaviors into habits.
Doing so risks frustration and failure.
This article was originally published onNirandfar.comby Nir Eyal.
you could read the original articlehere.
