I hate my team.
I hate my FUCKING team.
I hate that they haven’t won shit ever my entire life.
I hate that I get excited every year thinking things will change.
I hate that “Bear Down” is the most precient team slogan of any pro team ever.
That’s all we’ve ever been.
I hate that we can’t ever beat our division rival.
That we’ve had more quarterbacks in the last three decades than I’ve had birthdays.
Does this sound relatable to you?
Let’s get to it.
Here are your NFL Week 2 sad stats.
October 24th, 2022 was our last win.
Watching Justin Fields is torture.
Wanna talk playcalling?
That’s 43 percent of the time they chose to go full Playoffs Kirk Cousins when it matters most.
At least when it matters most to us.
Weeks 1 and 2.
Here’s another sad stat.
The only team worse is the Arizona Cardnals with 24/115 which is pretty much the same.
Friendly reminder that only one of these teams is actively tanking.
That is Sad Level Midnight.
Little cocktail math here.
The Browns are now 146-278-1 since 1994 - the season after they last started 2-0.
That’s a 34.4% win clip which is sad.
But for the Browns to repeat this 30 years in a row?
You’re looking at roughly a 2.2% chance.
The only problem is this team is 100% the Cleveland Browns.
Just a gut wrenching blow to the fanbase.
Sometimes you gotta tip your cap when outsmarted by a formidable opponent.
Spin Zone (I’m going to try, here goes nothing).
No doubt Gunner was gunning for some PT on offense with this stunt.
And you know what?
I need to make this a stat.
NFL history Leaders in toe-tap sideline fair catch kickoffs of a ball headed violently out of bounds:
1.
Nothing like playing some elves.
Welcome to Club Sad.
The blank spaces are kicks too, there’s just no bar since the game was tied.
I think a future breakdown on the story behind all four is going on my future blogs list.
Were they all to cover?
Probably not Tampa Bay in 2006 when kicking a last second field goal down 20-0.
Sad Stat #7: The Miami Dolphins have five aborted snaps so far this year.
The next most this season is the Giants at two.
Something seems off with the echo communication between Center Connor Williams and Tua.
Five aborted snaps matches the total for the Dolphins entire 2022 season.
Let’s wrap this up.
Week 2 was yet another supremely sad week for the sad teams and their sad fans.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Sports are so dumb.
I mean, we can literally do anything else on a Sunday.
Take up a new hobby.
We have the power to end the misery once and for all.
We can harness our interanl locus of control and decide for ourselves we deserve better.
We don’t have to keep giving and giving and giving without getting anything ever back in return.
All it takes is a clean break to freedom.
For a fresh start.
For a new beginning.
See you next week.
- Jeffro
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Catch up on NFL Sad Stats Week 1.
