Every day I see more and more people becoming weather red pilled.
We were lied to for our entire childhood.
Spring is a farce.
It’s the worst season and it’s not even particularly close.
Spring is a merchant of lies.
It promises warmth but delivers nothing but rain and 40 degrees.
Spring is the ever-disappointing middle child of the seasons family.
Just fornicating on top of anything and everything and desecrating all over our property.
Birds are the most vile animals on the planet.
Look at these two.
Just banging out in the open on my power line like a couple of vagrant hippies.
The gift of flight has made birds arrogant to the point they no longer fear us.
I’d venture to say they look down on us both literally and figuratively.
But when birds do it it’s a sign of fertility and new life.
And that dude wasn’t even putting in work.
I know a dude trying not to bust when I see one.
That cock has no cock game whatsoever.
But what comes next after he prematurely ejaculates all over my siding?
Those fuckers are going to build a nasty ass nest, that’s what.
Dragging sticks and debris into my gutters causing inevitable water damage from the torrential spring rains.
These birds are agents of chaos.
I don’t care if their pterodactyl looking ass kids need a home.
Those bastards are nightmare fuel and I want them off my property.
“But it’s the miracle of life, Will!”
I need my beauty sleep.
Once the babies leave the nightmare is over, right?
That’s when the shit starts raining from the sky.
And you know damn well they are aiming for the cars.
This is a game to them.
Our cars are just the boats in their never ending game of aerial battleshits.
You sunk my Nissan Altima for the third time this week.
I know some people will read this blog and say I’m being too harsh on birds.
And to that I say good.
Let the ice caps melt then.
You gotta crack a few eggs go make an omelet.
And I can’t believe people own these things as pets.
You bird people disgust me.
My old neighbor had a parrot that would scream out the window all summer long.
It sounded like he was in there abusing a cat.
I don’t know what the solution here is other than opening up a nationwide bird hunting season.
Allow everyone to carry crossbows and let’s put a stop to the exploding bird population.
That would be awesome.
But magic mushrooms or not, he’s on to something.
We need to destroy the entire bird population.
It’s time for bird genocide.
The only industry that stands to lose in this situation is Big Car WashTM.
