I think it sucked them off afterwards too.
Idk I’m fuzzy on the details.
My point is, she was going to change the world.
In reality, that wasn’t even close to true.
Turns out Elizabeth Holmes had no fucking clue what she was doing.
She just kept lying about her incredible new technology until Theranos grew into a $10 billion company.
Just a good ol' fashioned billion dollar scam.
Elizabeth Holmes was a psychopath.
You have to be a psychopath to do something like that.
Alongside building her company, she built this whole weird ass persona for herself.
At one point she started cosplaying Steve Jobs, and for years wore nothing but all black turtle necks.
On top of her weird Steve Jobs obsession, she took up using a super deep/stupid fucking voice.
I’m not sure why Elizabeth Holmes thought that talking like Yogi Bear would further her career.
Actually pretty sexist of her to think that a female voice would make her less credible.
Let’s be sure to cancel her for that too.
But since her legal troubles, Elizabeth Holmes..
I could only do one or the other.
But she’s no longer that person.
She’s Liz now.
And Liz is going to prison for 11 years.
Reportedly, it’s not going great so far.
I gotta say, I don’t like the new Liz.
Seems like Liz is kind of a bitch.
Don’t forget who you were, “Liz”.
You were Elizabeth Motherfucking Holmes.
You built your business from scratch into a $10 BILLION DOLLAR COMPANY on the back of NOTHING.
That takes an unprecedented level of confidence.
There are very few people in the world who could do what you did.
But look at you now.
Crying like a big baby in your cushy federal prison that lets your family in for 7 HOUR VISITS.
That’s more like a vacation than a punishment.
Sitting alone in your cell watchingWhoopie Goldberg fart her way through The Viewall day long.
There’s people who would pay for that privilege.
It’s time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, Liz.
You got 11 years of this.
Don’t just rot away in your prison cell for 11 years.
You have plenty of options.
Take a look at who you’re surrounded by.
You’re surrounded by idiots.
You’re surrounded by suckers.
You managed to scam the smartest people in the world.
You could scam this prison broads with your eyes closed.
Honestly, you should already be the king of that place.
I know you have money put away somewhere.
Acquire a bunch of fake iPhones and sell them to your prison mates.
Bring in some contraband and sling it on the basketball court while the guards are busy at football practice.
Or just do the blood scam again.
These girls probably don’t know who you are.
I’m sure you could run it back on a smaller scale.
Idk I’m just spitballing here.
Who am I to tell you how to scam?
All I’m saying is don’t just sit around and feel bad for yourself for 11 years.
Make the Bryan, Texas Federal Prison Camp you own personal scammers paradise.
I’ve seen the TikToks.
Prison can be a blast.
I’m almost jealous of you.
Cheers to making this next 11 years a god damn blast.
