I had the pleasure of experiencing the new Chicago office earlier this week.
In other words, honestly.
Let’s dive in:
Overall Atmosphere
Positive.
I shan’t, obviously.
He made his bed.
But from what I was allowed to see, the vibes are high.
Laughter and bouncing basketballs ring out in the open-format colosseum.
People arrive early and stay late.
Or, if you prefer being in the mix, it’s only a football’s toss away.
I found myself blinking profusely.
Nick thought I was communicating in morse code, hence the note.
It’s all very stimulating.
I stress-snacked on packages of gummy bears and hugged people where a handshake was preferred.
By day’s end, I was utterly exhausted.
But boy, what a place.
Nicky Smokes is alright.
First, I think he’s a promising blogger.
A bit green around the ears but he picks original topics and lets fly.
We work for a $14 billion company.
I suppose there’s charm in that.
I made it ten pages.
Beyond that, Nicky’s upbeat, present, and a solid basketball player.
Keep up the good work, young man.
You might be on to something.
Billy Footballis NOT alright.
This dude is an insane person.
It was a mistake.
Better to keep the bear happy.
Everyone is an opponent, a threat.
If you’re his teammate, your mistakes are an incursion on his path to victory.
He startedcoachingme, which was a bizarre thing to experience as an adult.
“STAY IN FRONT OF HIM!”
Billy went somewhere towards the end.
It may seem hard to believe, but nobody else had a problem not toppling the pole.
Who swings like that?
That’s how you remove a wasp nest from the Alpha Delta Phi patio to impress the rush chair.
A wonder to behold.
Still, I’m fond of him.
I look forward to it, Billy.
The Toys/Perks
The golf simulator, the basketball hoops, the kitchen… it’s fun.
That is definitely the case here.
Get the blood flowing and reset; just what the doctor ordered.
No need to head to the gym before or after work either.
I even took a shower!
But there were clean towels and plenty of bath products from which to choose.
After a handful of swings, he asked if I wanted to try.
Luckily, Nick was sitting with us and spoke to him like a mother scolding her selfish son.
Nick: “Dave, you live here.
it’s possible for you to use this thing every single day.”
Dave: “Aww, cunt!”
I hit about six more balls and told Dave he could take over.
But then he pouted and said “I’m over it.”
So that was that.
Restaurants
Chicago has a dining scene that rivals New York.
Perhaps not in depth, but the top spots are right up there.
A bunch of us went to a spot called Aba.
It was Mediterranean share plates, which Tommy initially wrinkled his gargantuan nose at.
But once the flavored hummuses and whipped ricotta hit the table, ejaculatory tastebuds prevailed.
I regret to say that Will Compton is my best friend.
Alas, we are birds of a feather, and quite close now.
I’ll never get over the dimensions of Klemmer’s face.
He looks like he was born through a homemade pasta crank.
Look at that grinning, cavatelli-faced elder.
Protect him at all costs, for he is a delicate treasure.
Overall Takeaways
The Chicago office was beyond belief.
It’s a city on a hill.
Time flies when you’re there.
I admire the way they seem to be taking care of it.
Either that, or their cleaning crews are inspired by God himself.
Still, I left feeling that this Chicago vs. New York divide is pretty silly.
We all fly under the same flag.
Sure, they’re the A-team.
That’s my long take.
Hats off to you, Big Cat and all you Chicagoans.
