I had a dentist appointment Friday morning.
It’s hard not to think mean things about people when they’re make you bleed from your mouth.
I’m assuming I’m not the only person who does things like that.
I can’t be.
They’re clearly thoughts that you would never say.
In most cases they’re thoughts that you don’t even agree with.
It happens in all sorts of situations.
Dentist Office
Dentist:“Does that hurt?
“My Thoughts:This is literal torture.
You are torturing my mouth with a sharp metal object you sadistic ass hole.
I know my gums are bleeding.
you’re able to see that right?
You haven’t figured out a more humane way to do this yet?
I can’t say a word.
My mouth and throat a filled with your 1920’s dental equipment.
Appointment Ends
Dentist:“How was it?
Hopefully not too painful!
“Me:“Not at all that was great!
Thank you so much!
Best dentist ever!”
you could’t possibly just drive around like this.
Are you trying to kill me?
I’m literally suffocating back here.
Like, I’m going to puke.
Oh my god, I’m going to puke, I’m going to puke.
I’m going to puke.
I’m going to puke.“Me:”…
OMG what are you doing?
FUCKING TURN!!!
Oh my god he missed the exit.
Wait now what are you doing?
Oh you’re just stopped in the middle of the highway.
That’s cool, that makes sense.
You have one job man.
Just bring me my food it’s so god damn easy.
Just wait until Uber Eats sees my review.
It’s going to be SCATHING.
“My Words: “No problem at all!
“Random Golfer:“Hey you found the fairway!
“My Thoughts:“Did I say you could talk?
It’s 85 degrees outside and you’re wearing pants.
You’re not a professional fucking golfer.
I saw you drop that ball in the trees last hole.
Get some friends you loser.
“Me:“Haha yeah.”
No, no, no take your time, take your time.
I can wait all day long.
Yep that’s right, serve here first.
She just walked up.
I’ve been standing here 10 minutes.
We’ll see who gets the last laugh.
Oh wow ok, you’re going to serve another person.
Clearly it’s personal at this point.
This bartender obviously doesn’t like the cut of my jib and wants to teach me a lesson.
I hated the way that guy looked, but if he’s tipping me 200%… damn.
Is he rich or something?
It’s time for me to reevaluate some things about the way I treat my customers.
I’ve probably already wrote about this.
My friends tell me I’m only enabling bad service.
But I don’t think that’s necessarily true.
I stand by spite tipping as a concept.
“My Thoughts:“First of all, we are outdoors.
It’s literally water vapor.
How about you mind your own fucking business.
“Me:“Oh my god I’m so sorry, what was I thinking.
No vaping out here!My Thoughts:“Fucking ok Chicago.
How about you spend less time telling me not to vape and more time not murdering each other.
“Me:“Ok, sorry boss”
