The first is that this Blog Series is too similar to the Barstool Chicago’s Snake Drafts.
And if Eddie and Co. want to turn their videos into the written word, I’ll stand down.
Jesus Christ, y’all voted for Bernie didn’t you?
Pushing that 32 hour work week and incentivizing people to work less but take more.
Or I could just go back to blogging about the Browns every move…..?
Did you see we signed a new 3rd string quarterback yesterday?
Blog incoming soon in which I power rank the best 3rd string quarterbacks in the AFC North.
Oh wait, I’m not allowed to do rankings either.
Alright, that’s my rant.
That’s not the point of this blog.
One, obviously, is that I went to school as a child.
Plenty of lunches eaten.
25 years of experience…and still do to this day!
So yeah, I feel qualified to be on the committee.
Now let’s cut the small talk and get into the rankings.
It allowed you to have options when going to the negotiating table.
Or, if you wanted to get crazy, you could piece together a three way trade.
I don’t know.
Did I want to go overboard on the first few and then just eat the remaining cookies without icing?
The choice was all mine.
Shoutout to you crazy motherfuckers that used all the icing on one cookie.
Everyone and their sister knows how bullshit the bag of chips industry has gotten over the years.
And they always stayed close to my hip, rarely traded.
Example A: if you took little bite by little bite, you were a pussy.
Jeffry Dahmer 100% ate Fruit By The Foots all in one sitting, no doubt in my mind.
Give a little leeway, eat.
Release some more of the tape, eat.
It was the proper way to eat these.
One thing I’m wondering is did anyone ever roll it out and measure the substance?
Was it exactly one foot?
It was a balanced meal!
Gushers
Newsflash: I don’t even really like Gushers, not a big fruity flavor guy.
You’ll see that with my absence of things like juices and jello on here.
It was selected for one reason and one reason only: it was the ultimate trade bait.
Stock piling draft capital to trade it away when someone rolled in with something of true value.
Remember when your Mom, maybe once a year, would drop off fast food for lunch?
That’s when I’d break out the gusher collection from my locker.
Hey Andrew, how many packs of gushers to take that KFC mashed potatoes off your hands…..?
PB&J
Old Faithful.
Four days of packing, one day of buying.
And man, on that one day each week, I walked around 2 feet taller.
First of all, fuck all White Milk drinkers, those fucking weirdos.
The reason chocolate milk is so high on my list today is for two reasons.
The first being that it was always there for me.
No matter what the other items were in my lunch that day, I always snagged a chocolate milk.
And then the second reason is that it has withheld the test of time.
Forget the stackable Ham and Cheddars pack.
Forget the Nacho Chips and Cheese / Salsa pack.
Forget the Tacos (don’t even tell me what that meat actually was) pack.
And definitely forget the Mini Hot Dogs edition.
Man, this takes me back.
Five nickels don’t always make a quarter, if you know what I’m saying.
And for me personally, Pizza Lunchables were a novelty item, not an every day thing.
I think that’s how I’ll parent my kids one day, too.
Scarcity improves enjoyment, and it creates respect and responsibility to earn what you want.
A pizza and treatza.
What a fucking throwback.
What a fucking combination.
Alright, there’s my Top 10.
Acknowledge the Bubble Teams that were the First Four Out?
Point being, my rankings are my rankings, and I stand by them.
- DM me with your ideas for next week’s topic.
I’ll be back in the mix right after the show ends to embrace debate with the boys.
