A couple of months ago, Trent moved one block away from my apartment in the West Village.
I need you close to me so we can golf together!!!
Frankie demanded, as pieces of prosciutto sprayed from his fat lips.
But eventually Trent decided he had enough.
He decided he wanted to be in the mix and move as close to me as possible.
A couple months have gone by and Ive seen Trent here and there.
Sometimes well walk home together and get a slice of pizza.
Sometimes well get a drink at a nearby bar.
But I wasnt seeing himenough.
I havent been to his apartment.
I offered him the chance to come over and shower at my apartment.
I couldn’t believe it.
My roommate (a MASSIVE Trent fan since the Milton days) and I spent all day preparing.
Everything was going perfectly.
Until it wasnt……
Trent is a notorious flake so this was no surprise.
But our disappointment was still immense.
“A strange request, and the incorrect spelling,” I thought to myself.
But Trent is a Midwestern simpleton.
And I don’t mean that in a bad way.
He loves cured meats and The Big Bang Theory.
He hates spelling and proper grammar.
So I ran to the local delicatessen and got a half pound of “boloney”.
He brought his own backpack, filled with a towel, toiletries, and a change of clothes.
I hate to compliment the guy, but he looked SO fucking hot.
My roommate and I wore our Breaking 100 hats and our custom made Trent mugshot t-shirts.
Between the shirts, hats, and poster board, I could tell Trent was really digging us.
(We think the previous tenant left it).
(He attempted it and it did in fact lock.
I guess our super must have come and fixed it earlier that morning without us noticing).
I asked him his preferred shower temperature and he said “Trent like hot!
Trent like hot!”
while clapping his hands together and doing a little dance with his feet.
I let him get set up then left the bathroom to stand outside the door so I could listen.
Here’s a video of the sweet, sweet sounds of Trent showering.
(For clarity’s sake, the clanging noise you hear isn’t Trent.
It’s my roommate making one of his world famous sun butter sandwiches.
Trent is what I would call a “quiet showerer”).
When Trent arrived, he left his beanie, sneakers, and jacket out on our couch.
So I did what anyone would do in this situation.
I tried all his clothes on and got a picture.
Then 8 minutes and 24 seconds after Trent entered the bathroom, he exited.
Not sure what he was talking about.
By the time he was done, the Packers-Cowboys game was about to start.
My family does the opposite, but I thought this was reasonable so we let him go.
