I thought that too.
Surprisingly it’s not the case.
He actually lives in an apartment on a weird island outside of Queens.
An island that was originally used to house mental patients.
But Klemmer’s living arraignment is besides the point.
The point is, for 100 consecutive hours, Klemmer will have zero contact with the outside world.
If any news drops between now and Friday, Klemmer will be blissfully unaware of it.
An opportunity to make him believe something that isn’t real.
I posed this idea to Twitter earlier this morning and received a handful of ideas in the replies.
Those are all fine ideas.
If we want to fuck with Klemmer, we have to be smart about it.
This isn’t going to be some big, flashy lie.
That’s just unrealistic.
In reality, there’s nothing we can tell him that he won’t care to fact check immediately.
So we need to be careful with our lie.
Yeah that must have happened when you were in confinement."
Maybe some day he’ll be at a bar and tell a group of strangers about it."
But I think Klemmer would take my word for it.
and that person will be like, “No he didn’t you idiot.”
He’s also a man who likes cheeseburgers (I think).
We’ll tell him Arby’s is rolling out a cheeseburger onto their menu in April.
Then when he goes to order he’ll be sorely disappointed.
CHANGE OF PLANS:I’m sorry.Those are really fucking stupid.
Maybe three of the stupidest paragraphs I’ve ever wrote.
I crossed them all out so you’re free to’t even see them.
I’ve been overthinking this.
We’re just not going to get Klemmer on any actual fake news.
And even if we do there’s going to be no worthwhile pay off.
It’s going to have to be a new style of lie.
We need to go personal.
When He Went to Sleep on Wednesday Everybody Saw He Had a Boner
This will get him.
We can even get Quigs to make a photoshop if we want to take it a step further.
The thought that at the whole world saw his boner was be brutal.
Honestly I think statistically that will probably happen anyways.
Frank Puked on His Desk
Ok now we’re cooking.
We’ll say that one of our social guys tricked Frank into drinking mayonnaise soda for a TikTok.
We’ll say that Dave mentioned in a meeting that they’re going to start selling ciders.
I’ll work on coming up with more ideas.
I’m open to suggestions.
We simply have to get Klemmer with a lie somehow.
We’ll get him good one way or another.
It’s far too good of an opportunity to let go to waste.
I’ll be sure to delete this blog by the time he gets out of confinement.
