Michael Jordan, LeBron James, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
What do these 3 players have in common?
They don’t play for the Denver Nuggets.
The list goes on.
Giannis, Curry, Durant, Harden, Embiid, Morant, Tatum, Trae Young, Chris Paul.
Not a single Nugget.
Not one of them.
The city of New York will literally burst into flames if the Knicks win another series.
I’ll be fired if I talk negatively about the Celtics, so I think they’re great.
So many fun potential story lines.
That’s what I want to see.
7 of the 8 teams remaining in the playoffs are pulling their weight.
But what do you bring to the table Denver Nuggets?
What the FUCK do you have to offer us?
2 time league MVP Nikola Jokic?
Get a load of this ass hole.
HISSSSS!!!!
My dick doesn’t get hard for a chubby Serbian.
Not a male one at least.
Is nearly averaging a triple-double for the season supposed to impress me?
How is no-nonsense basketball going to be hilarious on Twitter?
If it’s not hilarious on Twitter, how it that helping anybody?
Let’s take a look at the rest of the Nuggets roster.
Jamal Murray
Is Jamal Murray the player who I’m supposed to be exited about?
Aaron Gordon
I didn’t even know Aaron Gordon played in real basketball games.
I would have to pay Getty Images $5 to use one for this blog.
I do like Jeff Green.
I will pay the $5 to use his image.
How is he still playing meaningful basketball?
I swear he was 50-year old man when he entered the league.
He was a nice in NBA 2K back in the early 2010’s.
He could hit the corner 3.
But that was several sets of knees ago.
I suppose marveling at the fact that Jeff Green still playing in the NBA is enjoyable.
But that’s it.
The Denver Nuggets are nothing but a group of solid players playing good team basketball.
Sure, good basketball is a bonus.
But that’s not what the NBA is about.
The NBA is about pretending to read The Godfather so people think you’re worldly.
It’s about wearing a stupid fucking hat at the post-game press conference.
This Denver Nuggets roster gives us none of this.
Do you know what the Denver Nuggets do instead?
It’s disgusting to watch.
They held the Suns to a vomit-inducing 87 POINTS.
Do you really want to win this way?
I know I wouldn’t.
But the Denver Nuggets insist on winning games.
We’re a couple weeks away from a potentially all-time Western Conference Finals.
The Nuggets are threatening to rob us of that.
Conservatively speaking, there are no more than zero people who would rather watch the Nuggets than the Suns.
They won’t even bother finishing the playoffs.
Nikoli Jokic, if you’re reading this, hey give me something.
Or better yet, praise Vladimir Putin.
I know you’re not Russian but Serbia has a similar vibe.
Jamal Murray, maybe consider cheating on your wife with a porn star.
Maybe spit on a fan.
Maybe bite Kevin Durant’s ankles next time you’re matched up against him.
Aaron Gordon, try playing the next game with your penis out.
I’m begging you Denver.
Give me one headline.
If you’re going to insist on winning, I’m going to need you to meet us halfway.
Give us a reason to watch you.
And that reason better not be because you’re “playing good basketball.”
