The author of this article shares her experience as a victim of digital and physical harassment.
She will remain anonymous for safety reasons.
Stalking became a hot topic when Netflix released the hit seriesYou.
Unfortunately, many people were familiar with the plot all too well before its release.
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I truly believed the web was a positive force and would repair all things wrong with the world…
The internet also rapidly expanded my horizons.
And yet, years later, I regret it all.
I wished Id never met one person in particular.
But as you could make out from the title of this piece, my naivety cost me dearly.
I loved my work and had never really considered separating it from my personal life.
The stalking moved offline.
Occasionally, I was ambushed at events or places I frequented, places my stalker knew.
And when someone has access to your online life too, simply changing your route home isnt enough.
B also made attempts to attack my livelihood by calling my clients, telling them I owed money.
On most of the calls, B didnt say anything, there was only silence.
It wasnt any better, it was pure intimidation.
At that moment, I was completely helpless.
But I didnt dare to grab my phone.
Tech shouldve been a savior, but my stalker had turned it into a vulnerability.
I managed to escape in the end with the help of a passerby, but B got away.
I begged my phone provider after every call to make it stop.
In addition to that, new technology isnt really covered in current law.
This advice is an obvious non-starter in our technology-driven world.
Tech knows no borders, while laws are limited by them.
Despite the gigabytes of recorded harassment Ive gathered on B.
Every morning I open my phone to find the screen filled with missed anonymous calls.
I feel watched, intimidated.
I wake up in survival mode its hard to fall asleep after.
Its exhausting to live in fight or flight mode it never turns off.
I always watch my back when I come home.
Ive traveled a lot in the past years for work, at least twice a month.
Sleeping in hotels was what kept me going these were the moments I was able to relax and refuel.
At first I tried to safeguard my address by writing a list of everyone that knew it.
I started taking screenshots of everything as I became more paranoid.
While were living in the golden age of on-demand, address labels on boxes are my worst nightmare.
Also Ive tried several therapies, includingEMDR talk about scary technology… those sessions were harsh.
But the trauma is still ongoing, so it didnt work out for me.
Ive found I can only listen to meditations, audio books, etc.
read by female voices, and that I can only listen to podcasts with male hosts during the day.
Recently I woke up so tired, all I could do was cry.
It was yet another thingIwould have to do that wouldnt stop or punish my stalker in any way.
I got in touch with the founders, and got a review unit after sharing my story.
Its basically arobot that mimics the movement of a persons breathing.
It also has sounds for meditation and calming down.
My work is my passion again, not just something I just had to do despite feeling exhausted.
But at least I feel like I can fight again.
I wont stop logging and reporting the harassment.
I hold on to the hope that someday B will make a mistake and will end up in jail.
But for now B remains anonymous to the law, with the help of technology.
There must be a way to implement laws that protect victims of digital harassment, without invading peoples privacy.
Im writing this for those who are going through similar experiences.
Many people mostly women experience some levels of digital harassment.
The only thing therapy really taught me was that this isnt my fault.
Theres no real way to understand what drives a person to do this to another human being.
Its likely that it makes them feel powerful, exercising some form of control over me.
It wasnt until now when Im locked up in my house that Im forced to face this.
Writing this article has made me finally feel powerful.
Its hard and unbearable sometimes, but I know my friends always have my back.
My stalker cant kill the inner geek in me I wont allow it.
