Seriously there’s something wrong with you if you read that entire thing.
Might be time to look in the mirror and re-evaluate some life decisions.
With that being said it’s time for the National League edition.
Unlike the AL, the NL is pretty deep with true contenders.
Let’s cut the b.s.
You don’t have a fun time as a pitcher facing these men.
A .764 OPS for a guy like him?
The Braves getting a vintage Acuna season would push their ceiling even higher.
An issue for me here is their pitching.
Right out of the gate you’ve got Soroka, Wright, and Iglesias on the IL.
Name to look at?
The organization’s top prospect Jared Shuster who shoved during Spring.
That performance earned him at least a start or two to begin the season.
Who knows what that turns into if the good continues to show.
Contend: The Braves offense is relentless all year long.
Ronnie bounces back to top 10-15 MVP form and the pitching figures itself out once the injured return.
Fail: For me it all comes down to pitching.
Right now there aren’t a lot of assurances here after Fried and Strider.
Is Mike Soroka the most cursed man to ever live?
This dude was so fucking good in 2019. but since then he can’t make it onto the field.
New York Mets (o/u 93.5)
I can already hear Frank screaming.
My money is on Eduardo Escobar, but no one is safe.
To be fair, they did pry Carlos Correa away from the Giants.
The only problem there was that they soon found out the cruel truth about the broken man themselves.
The lineup is going to look exactly the same besides James McCann’s departure.
The rotation should be more than fine as long as the olds don’t actually act old.
Senga is a question mark, but he’s comfortably in that 3 spot to limit the pressure.
If JV and Scherzer are themselves, that will do wonders for Senga easing in.
Can’t draw it up much better than that.
Just imagine if Aroldis Chapman is having a great first half for the Royals?
Speaking from experience that is a scenario that could potentially end the Tank.
Fail: Scherzer and Verlander are 78 years old combined.
At some point they have to pitch like their age.
If 2023 is that year that’d be a real shame.
Diaz was such a weapon and safety blanket at the end of games last year.
Couldn’t you see Frank calling Senga Kei Igawa by July?
Offensively it’s the same squad with the rookies likely contributing a bunch (similar to the Yankees).
Really feels like a missed chance to add this offseason in that area.
There’s always the deadline I suppose.
A few hours later the Phils first baseman ruined his knee and left this offense looking a bit weak.
At the moment it’s extremely top heavy with Trea Turner, Kyle Schwarber, and J.T.
Don’t get me wrong, that’s a very good group of hitters, but no Hoskins hurts.
Certainly helps when you’ve got Nola and Wheeler as your 1-2.
If anything happens to them shit gets thin quick.
Gregory Soto, Andrew Bellatti, Craig Kimbrel, Jose Alvarado, and Seranthony Dominguez is really fucking good.
That’s a pen that can solve a whole lot of issues and win you plenty of games.
Contend: The big three I mentioned before hold down the fort until Bryce returns on a mission.
I keep looking at those names in the bullpen and drooling.
It’s full win-now mode in Philadelphia and that’s super exciting for their fans.
Good news is that Dombrowski has never met a prospect he didn’t want to trade.
If he feels like they need another impact bat in July he’ll go get one.
Fail: I worry about these names.
If one of Wheeler or Nola don’t pull their end or get hurt that rotation makes me worried.
Miami Marlins (o/u 75.5)
The Marlins remain in purgatory.
Sandy Alcantara is a cheat code, but after him it gets very bland pitching wise at the moment.
Contend: The Marlins invest heavily into cloning, making five more Sandys (one to close).
The offense would just need to scrape across a few runs a game at that point.
I’d like their chances to win the division if Kim Ng could cook this up.
Fail: This team is realistically a few years away from making noise.
Eury Perez will be extremely good when he’s ready, but it’s not time.
I didn’t hate the Pablo Lopez-Luis Arraez trade for them.
Add to your offense that way and things might happen down the road.
Do not trade Sandy.
It’s incredibly difficult.
Listen, they won their World Series and then blew it up from there.
It is what it is.
The front office and ownership have a leash with the fanbase because of that title.
It’s not a good lineup and it’s for sure not a good starting rotation.
A handful of the people in their pen could be made up.
Finnegan, Carl Edwards Jr. Ramirez, and Banda.
That’s all I got.
Everyone else certainly could be a create-a-player and I wouldn’t question it.
Tragedy meets every single team he can get his hands on.
Just as the Tank rolls into DC he spots a hot dog stand he must try.
The cops spot him in the wild and apprehend the mad man before he can get to the stadium.
The Nationals then go on to win the NL East.
Fail: There’s no team that has any chance of winning games with Patrick Corbin as their ace.
Is Stephen Strasburg an alive human being?
NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals (o/u 89.5)
The Red Birds are an interesting bunch.
They’re the clear-cut favorite to win the division.
A lot would have to go wrong for someone else to take that title from them.
With that being said I don’t think they’re a World Series caliber team.
Pretty much every playoff game they’re in they won’t have the better starting pitcher.
The offense is great, but that’s not a championship winning rotation.
Contend: The St. Louis Cardinals are going to contend and more than likely win the NL Central.
Runs will not be an issue for this team.
They’re better than everyone else in the Central.
That’s all I got.
This division is theirs once again.
Milwaukee Brewers (o/u 84.5)
Why do the Brewers do this?
Why don’t they care more?
Yes they added William Contreras, but that’s it?
That offense needs so much more.
The rotation needs better depth than what they’re getting from their 3-4-5.
The pen is thin after Devin Williams.
Contend: This is a purgatory team to me, but they shouldn’t be.
How do they contend?
Christian Yelich’s back gets magically fixed and he stops pounding every single ball into the Earth’s crust.
Such a cool dude off the field, but his career went down a sad path.
Lucky for him he still has lots of money to fall back on.
Fail: Lackluster offense, average pitching, and a so-so pen.
They should have never changed the name of Miller Park.
I’m guessing Corbin Burnes gets traded mid-season.
Chicago Cubs (o/u 78.5)
I’m not entirely sure the direction the Cubs are going in.
After this offseason you’re looking at a mish-mosh group of vets.
That’s a lineup alright.
Is it any good?
Can’t imagine there was any other plan here other than that.
Contend: I’ll say this.
If Cody Bellinger becomes an MVP again then I’ll start paying attention to the Cubs.
I actually don’t hate the rotation aside from Stroman who is the biggest asshole in the league.
He’ll be very fun to watch pitch.
Fail: The Cubs lineup of washed vets doesn’t translate into magic.
Their bullpen constantly blows any sort of lead they accidentally manufacture and Stroman turns the entire fanbase against him.
Cincinatti Reds (o/u 67.5)
How are there so many bad teams in the NL Central?
Like, what’s happening here?
The Reds don’t have a serious starting lineup, starting rotation or bullpen.
Hunter Greene’s stuff is electric to watch at least.
Contend: Manfred changes the rules so that every trigger the Reds score counts double.
Fail: They’re not contending.
Bob Castellini needs to sell this team and do something else with his money.
Pittsburgh Pirates (o/u 67.5)
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this division?
You have to make a run at construct teams this poorly.
I could watch that dude simply throw a ball from shortstop and be plenty amazed for hours.
Good lord this team sucks.
Mitch Keller is their Opening Day starter followed by 43 year old Rich Hill.
That’s when it’s their time.
Start the league over, unplug the game console, and maybe they can figure something out.
Fail: In what reality does this team win 75 games?
Our next President needs to fix the NL Central.
Maybe I’m wrong.
Buehler looks like a late season addition while Gonsolin shouldn’t be too long.
That said, I’m not blown away by those names.
Contend: Despite being down on the Dodgers, they’re still a contender obviously.
Could also see the LA witch doctors turning back the clock and making Noah Syndergaard a weapon again.
It should be fun to see Dustin May pitch for a full season finally.
We should be seeing the MLB debut of top 25 prospect Bobby Miller this year.
Their system is loaded, allowing them to promote from within or trade for a big player.
They can become super dangerous at just the press of a button.
It’s very possible this is a wild card team in 2023.
San Diego Padres (o/u 93.5)
Xander.
Tatis Jr. My god is that a foursome.
I’m not sure there’s a more interesting player in all of baseball this year than Fernando.
Not sure there needs to be worry about his arm…
Routes to balls and his overall feel out there will be the concern.
There’s no doubting the man’s ability to hit as well.
In 273 games so far in the big leagues you’re looking at a .965 OPS.
The question is can he get his head on straight?
For the first time in forever the Padres seem neck and neck from the jump with the Dodgers.
I’m stoked to watch that battle play out all season long.
Contend: Tatis plays ball and lights the world on fire.
In Juan Soto’s 52 regular season games with San Diego he was pretty below average by his standards.
Still a 130 OPS+, but we know what he’s capable of.
I’m expecting a MONSTER 2023 from Soto, especially with how he looked during the WBC.
Always gotta give a new guy to an org a full offseason there to settle in.
You’re getting MVP Soto in 2023 and it’s gonna make the Padres so fucking good.
Fail: Tatis Jr. does not mature and instead gets Soto and Xander to join his motorcycle gang.
Things proceed to go off the rails from there.
All the expectations coming off last year’s NLCS appearance prove too much to handle and they crumble.
San Francisco Giants (o/u 80.5)
Big offseason for the Giants.
Not only did they land Aaron Judge, but they also signed Carlos Correa.
It’s go time in San Francisco.
Oh wait, they only got Michael Conforto?
Jon Heyman belongs in prison for what he put multiple fanbases through this winter.
Hey maybe Conforto wins comeback player of the year!
Turns out Joey Bart is not in fact Buster Posey.
Someone explain to me how the San Francisco Giants won 107 games a couple years ago.
We just got that Netflix doc on the missing Malaysian Flight.
How about one of that team?
Two years later and they’re looking at an 80.5 o/u.
Contend: Whatever they did in 2021, happens again.
Whatever it is, do that again and I like their chances.
Fail: Corforto is not Aaron Judge or Carlos Correa.
We couldn’t do any better than that?
Well, the D-Backs aren’t any good.
They do have fun guys to watch like Zac Gallen, ROY candidate Corbin Carroll, and Ketel Marte.
After that you’re just watching bad baseball for the most part at a pretty terrible stadium.
This team makes no sense.
Regardless of their record at least their home games are fun to bet the over on.
Contend: Open, blatant cheating.
Steroids, spy cameras, buzzers, spidertack, different baseballs.
They need it all.
Fail: Dick Monfort is a scumbag
Admittedly this one wasn’t as good as the American League breakdown.
I got fatigue, but hopefully you enjoyed yourself.
I need an ice bath.
Anyways, here’s to a great season folks.
If you read any part of these two blogs I commend you.
Here’s Jessica Biel to send us out
