I got in a morning routine of crushing English Muffins, which quickly developed into a nightly routine.
Before I knew it I was polishing off a couple boxes of them a week.
What I and my fellow comrads learned is that we were far from alone.
The English Muffin is almost universally beloved.
So why does it get such little spotlight?
It’s downright infuriating.
And it needs to end.
First things first, let’s address the elephant in the room.
When was the last time you saw an English muffin featured on the cover of a food magazine?
If that’s not devotion, I don’t know what is.
Now, let’s talk about versatility.
English muffins are like the chameleons of the breakfast world.
They can be sweet, savory, or anything in between.
Tell me, what other breakfast bread can do all that?
English muffins have a unique texture that sets them apart from regular bread.
They’re like the James Bond of breakfast sophisticated, classy, and exciting all at once.
It’s why I termed them “the gentleman’s breakfast item.”
Don’t even get me started on the nooks and crannies magic.
you might’t get that kind of experience from a plain old slice of bread, can you?
And let’s not forget about their portability.
English muffins are the ultimate on-the-go breakfast.
Just pop them in the toaster, and you’re good to go.
No need for a plate or utensils just your trusty piece of paper towel to catch any runaway crumbs.
They’re the champions of convenience, making your morning routine that much smoother.
Now listen, I’m the trusted food guy around here because I tell it how it is.
I’m not going to lie.
When it comes to looks, Thomas' has it in spades.
I mean, look at these two buttery, perfectly toasted, fluffy halves.
That’s sex on a breakfast plate.
But sadly, I’ve come to learn this isn’t a beauty contest.
It’s about taste.
And the king of the English Muffin mountain, until further notice, is Bays.
And it’s not really close.
Back when I first wrote the first version of this blog I was a stone-cold Thomas' man.
The outspokeness was so loud that I quickly capitulated and man oh man was I glad I did.
Bays are somewhat under the radar because they’re not in the bread section of grocery stores.
They’re in the refrigerator area.
Because they’re a superior product.
Until further notice, Bay is king of the Muffin Mountain.
Bays fucking brings it in each of their variations.
The original are fire.
The Sourdough are fire.
Their brioche are fucking fire.
It’s almost a problem because it causes a nightmare in choosing between them all.
I’m sick and tired of the disrespect and English Muffins not getting the love they deserve.
It makes me sick.
It’s a non-starter.
Get your heads out of your asses.
You guys are too good for this.
